it's like a circus...~

well, i'm writing today..means something has been bothering me..it's been awhile..so many things i want to write, but too lazy to start..huhu..anyway, one week has passed, n i have another 4 days of this shift left..eh, it's not days, it's night coz starting today i'm doing the night shift..alrite, i have to get this over soon coz i have one presentation to complete..aaa, tomorrow i'm presenting, n right now my mind cant focus on anything..talking bout presentations, remind me during my surgery posting..kehehe..trying to escape but in the end have to present in front all bosses..n i completed my presentation just one hour before dat..haha..but in this posting, definitely cantttt...huhuh

so what is it has been bothering me? i dun know..a person? a problem? an unidentifiable things? haihh..i know its bad to sigh buttt....there's sumthing heavy right here in my chest..compressing on my lungs and my aorta, obstructing the blood flow causing my peripheries to feel cold..hahaha..ntah btul ke physiology tu..anyway, the past few days had been giving me palpitations..i tried my best to improve my admission criteria but sumtimes sum cases just need to be admitted..cant blame us for dat. it's not like we intentionally doing it just to give some other people more job to do..last time i was also cursing when i was oncall n things like this happen, but rather than complaining, better get ur job done..we are all still in the process of learning..n i have lots more to learn..because of my past mistake, i'm trying to learn to trust my judgement, n not get affected by others. gosh, that particular day, was the worst time of my life. have to face it by myself n still continue working even though i feel like i cant take it anymore. have to be oncall on dat day sumore with feeling bad for not being able to recognize something important..ya Allah, please always provide me Your guidance..aminnn...

despite all things happened, i have a few things dat keep myself up..haha..i'm thankful for that..at least there are times dat my hard work was appreciated by others..:P well, you cannot satisfy everyone, so dont feel guilty if others blaming you or angry at you for something you did. still have a longgggg way to go..chaiyok2!