surprise surprise

tik tok tik tok..only a few minutes left while i'm writing this entry..anyway, i have to write this before i go to sleep, or else it would be meaningless if i write about this later..hehe

thank you so much guys!hehe..i'm totally speechless, and of course surprised! didn't expect this at all..totally clueless..well, what happened? hmmmm..:)

*flashback*

i was totally doing nothing around 8 pm..i was rolling on d carpet while watching KBS song festival..was hoping to see 2PM performed but i guess they won't appear so soon..then i was watching 'Take Me Out', definitely my first time watching the show, while thinking hm, do i have to appear on TV show later if i still can't find my partner in the future? haha..definitely won't do that! then suddenly i feel like checking my phone and there was a sms from fiza..she said she was down and asked me out for a drink..i rarely go out at night, especially if i am at home, so i immediately ask my parents permission..haha, so much for a 'counselling session'..while waiting for her i was thinking what could be the problem..but when i went out from my doorstep i was totally surprised by a birthday song in front of my house..i saw sarah holding a birthday cake with the candles then arifah appears..i was speechless..they came all the way from Klang..huhu..definitely clueless and didnt expect this kind of birthday surprise..that was so sweet..really :) *sob sob* and the birthday card..hehe..really really thankful, even though 'happy birthday' becomes 'bogoshipda' in korean..hehe..i won't ever forget this moment ..coz i keep it safe in this entry :)

suddenly i remembered 6 years ago when Yan, Zai and Aida (my rumate in matrix) did the same birthday surprise to me..actually i was more surprised to see the guest..hahaha..they invited 'my crush' to celebrate my birthday...hahaha..seriously unexpected and now i feel funny thinking how did i had crush on that person, keke...;P

anyway, i better sleep now..have to prepare for the course tomorrow..i hope the course will enlighten  me with new knowledge..and i'll try my best to share with others..nite XOXO :)

oh..and i'm expecting a lot of birthday wishes :P thank you all for the wishes..thank you Allah for giving me a chance to still live until today :)

closing time...~~

today is my last day of being 24..haha..so sentimental..anyway, i'm post night off and tomorrow i'm on leave..who would want to be working and feeling tired on your big day? hehe..

so much things happened for this whole week. i had my 2nd rotation in resus zone..my 1st time was ok, i was learning to be familiar with things. this time i learned more..and a lot..i even had to do a procedure on my own..i was so nervous and worried if i caused complication to my patient..and i'm curious to his real diagnosis so i will follow up on him, huhu..anyway, things are so unpredictable..i would say anything is really possible.. like a patient who came in with MI and completed strep, right before he was transferred out i saw him alive only a few hours later to hear that the patient collapsed and died in ward..i was shocked..

all of these things that i gone through will remind me that medicine is an interesting field, just in case i might feel like giving up later, who knows..haha..when i first started my years in school, people will always ask why i chose this field. i dont even know why..no inspiring stories or particular reason for it..but after going through clinical years i realized i was able to meet people from different walk of life..and after working i met more people..not just patients but also those who had worked with me..it's interesting..and my close relatives keep remind me to always have good intentions while working~

i am really feeling sentimental out of a sudden. hehe. anyway, it's the last day so it was really a closing time..for everything that i didnt achieve for this year..i would like to put on hold on certain things, and try to concentrate more on working for now..soooo many thingss i wanna doooo...and sooooo many things i want to improve myself...not just in work, but in all my aspects in life..lately i've always remind me about a lecture i listened a while ago..it was something like 'what would you do if one day Prophet s.a.w knocks on your door?'..what would i do? surely i havent done enough..so let's work hard for the new days aheadd..:)

curseday

haha..the title already showed i had a bad day..yes..even from the moment i woke up from sleep everything went wrong..woke up late and missed my sahur..huh..arrived at workplace by 7 am got new case came for clerking already..hmm..starting from 12 pm patient just dun stop coming in..a lot of orders not carried out,everything pending..haih~the worst thing is nothing made my day..not even a simple greeting or smile..i tried to cry but my tear glands are not working, ergh..hee, so dramatic~


oh and i forgot to bring back my book again!! i wonder what will happen to it..tawakkal je la~

anyway what makes my day even worst was..i gained 1 kg over a day! i was supposed to be fasting and working non stop whole day but i gained weight..huwaaa..>_<

this kind of feelings remind me of my previous thursday am shift..feel like i'm back to square one..

just do some workout and stop whining!

aigoo~~

annoying & irritating

i should be studying or reading something since i got free time but i don't know why i can't concentrate..so i'm spilling my thoughts here, as usual..

anyway, the past few days had been okay..some things happened that made me feel good and it gives me good motivation to work harder( fighting2!)..but some things just irritates me, like a drunken fella who had an accident and difficult to access his GCS..egh..why do people drink?! oh, and some people can't respect others by blowing their smoke directly to my directions like...eghh..please la.dun dragged other people in if you're harming yourself. so annoying..and some people took my book (with my name on it) that i accidentally left on a desk and returned it back 2 days later thinking i wouldnt find out about it..it was right in front of my eyes, so obvious yet dun have a courtesy to at least inform me that you took my book to photocopy it..yahh!!~ hmmphh~

today my friend and I were discussing about our so-called 'Dream Team'..haha..from our fave specialist to MO to AMO to SN/JM and PPK..hahaha..berangan je lebih..not that we have anyone as our favorite in particular..but thinking about it made me laugh so bad..hehe..funny funny..at least this kind of things made forget about the unhappy feelings i had haha :P

just a few days left before this year gonna end..again, its time for me to start counting days ^^

2 more weeks

i was about going to sleep but suddenly i feel like randomly writing an entry here.no particular subjects to write about. probably a little bit about work and my progress in life..haha..whatever sangat

anyway, work is okay..it's getting interesting each day but i still have a lot to learn. i feel i'm getting used to the new environment and liking it, hopefully it will lasts till the end. last time when i was in medical i used to hate ED for admitting so many medical patients. haha. now i'm in ED i understand why. coz the people cant just stop coming to the hospitals..there are always sick people everyday, every hour, every minute and every seconds. huhu..not that i'm whining bout it, just i felt guilty thinking bout how i was insincere when i was in medical. now i'm sure those in medical would hate it just as much as i did but i cant blame them coz they havent been here. 

anyway, there are always ways to get some motivation while working..haha..i got mine :P..i know in next few years i'll be laughing at myself for this kind of motivation, hahaha, but at least it made me happy to come to work. and talking about sincerity, again i am reminded by this kind of feelings you get when you're sincere. you won't feel annoyed..at all..seriously! but sometimes as a not so perfect human, there's this tiny part in my heart which has less blood supply and almost become ischemic that sometimes had ungrateful thoughts. hehe..i have to control it before it became infarcted, that time i would definitely lose all my sincerities..please don't ever let it happen, ya Allah~

i dun know what else to rumble about..hurm, less than 2 weeks left to remind me of the day i was expelled out of my mummy's womb..alhamdulillah for everything, i'll always remind myself to be grateful. hopefully something good will happen next year too..aminnn ya Rabb :)

s.t.u.p.i.d

today was d most difficult day for me..after almost 3 weeks working in this red department, i've never felt so stupid and more stupid...huhu..at this stage, after finishing most of my major postings, i should be able to manage simple things on my own..yeah, i did..but today things are not that simple..well, compare to few days ago when there were 2 of us, this is my first time seeing such cases on my own..n hell yea, i'm blur! i feel like a moron for panicking over hyperventilation attack..haha..what a fool..then there were other cases keep coming in at one time i couldnt breathe..i was holding my bladder for d rest of day i can feel it's almost exploding..huuu..at the end of my shift i felt like i irritated my MOs..wahaha (gelak tak ikhlas)

anyway, while driving back i was thinking what should i do after a long and tiring day? while i was thinking hard suddenly i realized i was in Empire shopping mall already..i was thinking of having a cup of hot coffee..so i tried out a new coffee shop..i thought it was cool, having a hot coffee of rm 9..but i got shocked after seeing the size of d cup..hahahah..jokerrrrssssss...at least it made me smile at myself..another stupid thing to do..buying a sample-size free drink of rm 9..watever..then i went to a another shop, it was also my first time there..i ordered my food and drinks and it costs me more than rm 50 for a coffee n sandwich..but i was thinking, ha maybe today is the day where i buy all the expensive food..so i just paid without asking much..luckily the worker realized bout it and give me back the extra amount i paid for.they were like..'u paid for it??'..and i felt like another fool..hahaha..i cant believe how stupid i was..~haih

i feel so tired and my body aches everywhere..especially my back..ouchh...i wish i have my Hyun Ki Jun, who would be interested in knowing Goh Ah Jung's daily mood..but i am definitely not Goh Ah Jung and my life is no fairy tale..at the end of the day no one knows how difficult today was for me except Allah..and i thought i could just bear with it..nevermind if my MOs think i'm a fool, nevermind if my colleagues think i can't handle my own things, nevermind it other thinks i'm not capable enough..i'm actually working in the busiest ED in my country (as quoted by my HOD)..hahaha..fighting sarah..try harder everyday!:)

post night

morning..i just came back from work..i did night shift yesterday..and it was okay..compare to last week where i was working non stop till morning..last night i got 2 hours break..alhamdulillah..hehe


anyway last night things were okay..i'm worried about my assessment..haih..i'm closing to the end but still not well prepared..but i hope so far im in this posting i've learned all d essentials..please, i just want to finish all this postings and leave this hospital..competentlyy...i want to be in a new environment and meet new people..hehe..n i cant wait to take a long break, i'm stucked in this country for too long...hhaha..poyo jeh :P


so my head keeps singing avril's song- wish you were here..it was nice..but making me feeling sentimental..not that i wish anyone in particular to be here..really, there was no one i can think of..haha..anyway i'm happy for a friend of mine..she was so bolldddd..she made a confession to d guy she likes and yes, sounds like a happy ending for me..oh my goddd..so brave...i would never do that..even if i want to i dun have anyone to confess to..haha..seriously..sometimes when i am alone i wish i have someone i can think of..pleaseee..give me someone to like...hehe..boleh ke?? :P 


i have to put down my weight..yes, gaining weight means another imbalance in my body system..so, now i know what's my real problem is...stay fit n healthy sarah...dun just eat, eat and eatttt...d trouble with me is, i'm not consistent..i just hope i'm motivated enough..fightingggg~~i'm already in my outfit, but i think i need to sleep just a little bit more....keke ^o^

"all the crazy things you said, you left them running through my head..." ^^

lackadaisical~

it's been a while..while writing this post i'm listening to We The Kings- Say You Like Me..hehe..i like the song..fullstop!


anyway i just came from KB after attending a national convention.cewah..it's regarding Hospital Mesra Ibadah..alhamdulillah, it was a good course and i gained a lot of knowledge.. i'm getting a better understanding about fiqh..but there are so many things that i need to know..so i have to read more..i'm trying my best to put my life in balance..:)


well,after attending the convention, i had a new spirit of going to work..i was grateful to Allah how i was blessed with His knowledge in healing..as we all know, any disease comes from Allah and only Allah knows best regarding the cure..well, my sentence is not really the real quote, i hope it is okay for me to interpret it in such a way..anyway, back to today's story..so life is full of challenges..as i'm trying to be a better person, Allah gives me a test today..a test on my patience..huh..it was so hard..so hard to stop myself from exploding and hurt those around you that my chest hurt so much..yup, my chest is hurt..not my heart..hehe..anyway, i'm not allowed to complaint or whine..how can i complaint when Allah has give me another chance to wake up this morning and continue my duties in helping those in need :) but as a human, i'm not perfect,so there was a time that i ..hm..to be exact, for a moment i was questioning myself..but again, Allah knows best..may Allah forgive me for my ungrateful moments..-_-


so far if you ask me regarding the so called flexi hours..if i have to rate between like and dislike, my meter would be more on the latter..i lost my weekend..i lost track of time..and i lost my opportunity to learn during weekdays..the job is tiring no matter how u try to adjust it..so i think i just have to get use to it and cherish every opportunity i have to gain more knowledge..insyaAllah~

oh nasi goreng..~~~

it has been a long time since my last post..anyway, i left medical about 2months now but i havent miss it at all..haha..oh, except for one time when i had a really bad(+ lonely) call in gynae ward (and covering caesar ward), that one particular time i missed medical..coz i cant make my own decision in this posting..oh yeah, since i mentioned gynae and caesar, jeng jeng, now i'm in a pinky environment --> Ob&Gyn!huhu..not that i'm excited and love it so much, but it's a relief to be able to get out of previous posting..anyway, so far things are okay, and currently i'm doing LR shift..i dunno, working in 8 hours shift should be less tiring, but my body is aching like maddd..as if i did 100 push ups and running 100 miles per day! ok, maybe it's a bit exaggerating, but i do have body ache..ouchh..

things in this posting are okay, except when i conducted a delivery, i would feel guilty towards my patients..eventhough i gave out all my strength and efforts to protect d perineum, there'll be tears..haih, plus d repairing part..haihh..i'll try my besttt!~ 

i'm listening to Beast- On Rainy Days and suddenly i heart rain pouring outside of d window..hee..anyway, i'm doing pm shift today, got 10 more minutes to get ready..i woke up today feeling a bit rajin, so i made nasi goreng..haha..its been a while since i actually cook anything..oh God, how am i gonna get married if i rarely do kitchenwork??hehe..i let my father taste my nasi goreng (usually i only it by myself) n he said not bad, but i have to make it more presentable..haha..ne, araso! maybe when the 'Flexi Hours' do happen i'll try to go to d kitchen more (can't promise)..huuu..gotta go..ciao~~

leaving green

tomorrow is gonna be a new day..for everything..Alhamdullillah, with Allah's blessing we are able to leave the 7th and 8th floor..really, i left that place without ever wanting to go back again.i hope it wont happen, but if it was destined for me in the future, probably Allah have a bigger plan for me..huhu..

anyway, the first time i spent my holiday gaining d most precious knowledge ever..i was so frustrated at first because my plan to go away from this place doesnt seem to work..suddenly so many things happened and no one seem to be excited about it except me..and i cant go somewhere alone, coz i dont want to and it was not possible to travel alone..in d end i joined the weekend course by al-Kauthar and like i said, i gained d most precious knowledge..so Allah do have a better plan for me..i hope i'll be consistent..

i had so many things to write bout the last few months, and even the last few days im in medical but i don't know where to even begin because there were so many things. but i think it was d most emotionally, mentally and physically stressful experience for me..(so far, compare to d other 2 postings :P)..when i tried to reflect how i was the last few months, i think i became an evil person..i have so many things to hate..really, i was not sincere and i complaint too much..i talk badly about other people and i think i become selfish also..-_-

ya Allah, i really hope i can be a better person..i hope this new posting will bring me more knowledge n experience so i can be a better person in d future..amiin~~

pause

well..it has been a while since i last update this..and yea, today i'm taking a break from everything..yess..every single thing..i just want to stay away from that place..hopefully i'll have a good 4 days rest and go back to work on Monday with a new feeling..i dun know, lately i feel like i havent been myself much..i became annoyed so frequently, as if i lost my sincerity..i really cant stand feeling like this.. i feel lost.. i dun know where should i go or to whom should i turn to..hmm

anyway, we lost a friend along our journey..it was definitely really sad..he was a really good person and a good colleague to work with..hope he'll rest in peace~~

i really hope things will be good to me..and i hope i'll be a happier person..since the last 3 months, i can count the moments that i was so happy and i laugh so hard..to be exact..three times..only three times..i feel so fake..

haru haru

it has been one month i'm in this new posting..i've learned quite a lot..just d procedures part i'm lacking behind..so far everything is just okay.. last week i was in female ward,most of patients are old and frail..i feel like working in a geriatric ward..huhu..some has good family members taking care of them, some was left alone n when they woke up they wander around the ward looking for their children..

it's totally a different feeling altogether.so far i'm stil searching for d sparks cause everything seem so dark to me..but i hope i wont lose my sincerity....huhu..just hope i can finish dis posting like my previous ones..hee..pleaseeee..i'll do my best! fighting!

talking to the moon

well, i love that song..it sounds like a good idea to talk to the moon since you cant tell everything to everyone bout some things..not even a family member or a close friend..there are some things that only Allah knows..yes..but its a bit crazy to talk to the moon anyway..haha


anyway, i hope i'll do well in this posting..i know i'm a bit slow and i dont get much opportunity compare with my colleagues but its okay...even though things become tough n hard, dun ever lose ur spirit n sincerity..fightingggg...i'm always gonna be okay! (while doing 'OK' dance)^-^

ss3!!

well..have to write this.yesterday arin was here..yeah..feels great to be able to meet all my old friends..:) apparently this time she came because of super show 3..ah, i missed it..haha..so its been a year la since the last concert..so quick d time passed by..i remembered last time it was near to our final exam but we still go..and thankfully it didnt affect our results..hehe..and yes, this time i still wish DBSK will be together n come for a tour..sad sad :( we had a gud dinner yesterday n again, i cant stop shopping! oh my god..please behave yourself! (i'm scolding myself) and yes, arin didnt fail to introduce me a new gadget..for sure i wanna have it! :P

ahhhhhhhh..i feel like screaming..i dun know why but i think something is missing..but i also dun know wat it is...confused confused..but its my 2nd week n i think i dun learn much yet..probably my expectation of this posting is too high..wehuu..i want to be sincere in my work..i hope i wont ever lose it..fightinggggg!!! ^-^

going green

aaaaahhh..i wanted to post on d day we got back from our trip but i was so tired and have to get back to work on d very next day..soooo...it's almost one week in dis new posting..and yeah, i didnt fail to get any scoldings..wahhhaaa..so depressing at dat moment..but watever, words had been said it's up to me to take it in a positive or negative way..anyway, i dun know what got into me yesterday but i cant believe i forgot to complete my specialist's request..that one, it's suicidal..obviously my fault but i cant find the reason why it slipped my mind..huuuu..crazyyyy crazyyy.hopefully nothing like dat ever happen again or else...i dun know, i may need to write myself a psychiatric referral for 'attempting suicide'..huhu

anyway, i cant believe i would have this feeling, but i missed paeds..really..haha..back then 4 months ago during my tagging time i totally hate it and i thought by the time i'm changing posting i wont missed it, but yes i am..huu..but i have to move on..still have a long way to go..and sometimes still wondering this and that...hmmm..hmmm~~ alrite..i lost my words already..like always, my ideas to write always stop halfway..i hope i'll improve..fighting!!! :)

hana dul set...~~~

hey ho..this is probably my last weekend off..the next 2 weeks i'll be busy with tagging then dun know how things gonna be after this..dun know which posting im going next..hopefully by tomorrow or day after i can settle everything, then by wednesday i can go on holiday with peace..at this moment i really really wanna meet my old friends.. 나의 친구...!!! sob2...2 more days..be patient..everything will be good..an acquaintance said i shouldn't bother bout this and dont let trivial matters like this clutter my mind..currently i love listening to Dream High OST..JUn.K's song is not bad..love it! hope the next few months will be good and i wont ever lose my sincerity! fighting! :):)

back to december

oh hoo..things are not so good lately..but i had a few great moment by myself..and i'm thankful to God, maybe it's time for Allah to test me after giving me a good time..anyway, i finally found it..found the satisfaction in doing sumthing with sincerity..i remembered last time i was wondering is dat even possible? and yes, now i know how great it feels when u do something with sincerity..:) i'll remember this and if i'm gonna become insincere, i'll recall this particular time..

anyway, sumthing not so good also happened. d last few weeks i apparently got mad with a colleague. i dun know why, but everytime i try to rationalize things i'll just feel angry trying to think about it..i thought maybe i was wrong and i even had said sorry, but when i try to think what went wrong i cant find d answer. probably because i kept everything for so long i just cant stand it anymore. i feel like d boundaries had been crossed. i dun know what kind of boundary, but it feels dat way.. n d worst part is i cant even tell the details to a close friend. i dunno, probably it was my own problem coz i'm scared it'll affect everyone's relationship..so i have to held it in..but yesterday it was as if i had reach my limit n i really need some time to b alone.. i thought i'll be okay so i just go along..but apparently, not..my chest felt so heavy n i need to cry..at one moment i feel like running away n cry, but it was too dramatic..so i held it in for a few hours..by the time my working hours end, dats when i bursts into tears..along d way i was driving home i was crying..i didnt know i had such a weak heart..n because of dat, i feel like it has made my friend felt bad..but really, if given a chance i wouldnt know how to explain. probably dats just the consequences of holding everything in for so long, everything got mixed up and i got confused which one is really d cause of it..

i dunno wat to do..so now, i'm wishing dat there'll be a nice script for me so dat it's easy for me to explain and i wish sumone would write my life story in a better way..ya Allah, forgive me for my wrongdoings and please guide me to become a better person..amiin~~ -_-

a new week

so today is the last day i'm having my holiday..it's greattt...but tomorrow have to go back to work..hmm..not that i hate it, just that i really hope this last few weeks will be good..pleaseee...truthfully, i enjoyed working..but biasela, bile dah lepak2 ni rasa malas pun mula melanda..keke

anyway, alhamdulillah yesterday we arrived home safely..and my stomach also did not cause me any problem..alhamdulillah..i was so worried, ye la, from kelantan to gerik je dah nak dekat 4 hours, and the R&R also not very comfortable..kehe..so if anything happen during that time, wat am i supposed to do?? huhu..luckily, everything was fine, and yes, again, we arrived safely (if not, i wouldnt be writing this right?) :P

last night i asked from God an answer to my question..but somehow, i got a dream..but i'm not sure whether that dream is the answer or not..it's getting me confused..hm, it's okay, let's not think so much about it..i'm sure someday God will give me the answer..someday we'll know...lalalala..ho yeahhh~~~ ^-^

holidayyyy

it's my 2nd day of holiday..n i'm in my sister's place now..yess..i'm in KB a.k.a newcastle..such a long flight..keke..nothing much, yesterday visited my uncle and cousin, today i should be visiting them again, cause its been a long time since i came back, but i'm not feeling well..my stomach is punishing me..huuu..it's neither diarrhea nor constipation..it's just..how do i say it..a painful change in bowel habit..haha..cam klakar je.. :P but really, i only hope tomorrow at least for 7-8 hours it wont cause me any problem..please please..such a long drive tomorrow..i just want to have a comfortable journey..

anyway, next week have to start working again...hmmm...oh yea, n presentation was postponed again..erk, suddenly i'm having thought block..i cant remember what to write anymore..so till ere..hope we have a safe journey tomorrow..aminnn~~ ^-^

busy night

wahhh..last night was such a tiring night..at the start of shift already everything looks so busy, like so many things were going on when i entered labour room..hmph, nak2 ade 5 lscs last night..huhu..and the last part i even gave wrong info to my MO coz probably my brain is not functioning well..uhuk2, sorry boss..-_-"

remind me of last week when i had 9 cases back to back n one of it almost makes my heart stops...babies r supposed to be born with a heartwarming feeling, not giving others heart attack..huhu

the funny thing is my partner n i both have a same dream..really..when we woke up, we were like, "i thought there's a prem case but what happened?"it's weird that we kinda know about the case but no one inform, it felt so real..then later we found out there is actually a prem case but was being tocolysed..huhu..luckyyy..if not..sah2 dua2 collapse and takde orang nak resus kan..:P..but its funny bout d part we both woke up and wondering bout the same thing..haha, as if we communicate through dreams..hahaha

ya Allah, tonight will be the last night..i really really pray everything will go smoothly..n today i hope my presentation will go well..amiinnnn.. ~~~ ^-^

wehuuu..

ahhh..2 more days..really can't wait..i need a break like..STAT! huhu..that's because i'm not feeling well today..luckily my presentation has been postponed, i got more time to sleep n rest this morning..huhu..really hate this feeling..it's exactly the same as what happened before my birthday last time..dat's why i'm not eating anything..since morning..yeah..macam tak caye je, but when i smell food i feel more nauseated. really afraid to eat anything, i'm afraid i'll end up vomiting like last time..which is..grossss..i hope i can survive tonight..hopefully nothing much so that i can recharge myself n will not cause trouble to my partner..-_-

just now i almost got my appetite back, but now its gone again..haih..ya Allah, please give me strength to go through tonight n 2 more nights. aminnn..

wehuuuu ^-^~~~~

it's like a circus...~

well, i'm writing today..means something has been bothering me..it's been awhile..so many things i want to write, but too lazy to start..huhu..anyway, one week has passed, n i have another 4 days of this shift left..eh, it's not days, it's night coz starting today i'm doing the night shift..alrite, i have to get this over soon coz i have one presentation to complete..aaa, tomorrow i'm presenting, n right now my mind cant focus on anything..talking bout presentations, remind me during my surgery posting..kehehe..trying to escape but in the end have to present in front all bosses..n i completed my presentation just one hour before dat..haha..but in this posting, definitely cantttt...huhuh

so what is it has been bothering me? i dun know..a person? a problem? an unidentifiable things? haihh..i know its bad to sigh buttt....there's sumthing heavy right here in my chest..compressing on my lungs and my aorta, obstructing the blood flow causing my peripheries to feel cold..hahaha..ntah btul ke physiology tu..anyway, the past few days had been giving me palpitations..i tried my best to improve my admission criteria but sumtimes sum cases just need to be admitted..cant blame us for dat. it's not like we intentionally doing it just to give some other people more job to do..last time i was also cursing when i was oncall n things like this happen, but rather than complaining, better get ur job done..we are all still in the process of learning..n i have lots more to learn..because of my past mistake, i'm trying to learn to trust my judgement, n not get affected by others. gosh, that particular day, was the worst time of my life. have to face it by myself n still continue working even though i feel like i cant take it anymore. have to be oncall on dat day sumore with feeling bad for not being able to recognize something important..ya Allah, please always provide me Your guidance..aminnn...

despite all things happened, i have a few things dat keep myself up..haha..i'm thankful for that..at least there are times dat my hard work was appreciated by others..:P well, you cannot satisfy everyone, so dont feel guilty if others blaming you or angry at you for something you did. still have a longgggg way to go..chaiyok2!