merdeka day

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

it's merdeka! haha. not that i celebrate it that much. just that i'm giving myself my own freedom..to choose and to live and to decide. anyway, i'm taking a break for a day because i need to settle a few things on my own. living in a new place with a new environment, it's difficult. but alhamdulillah, even though my family is not around there are a lot of familiar faces i've seen here :) and after 4 days here, the people are nicer and friendly too. hopefully my first impression wont change after some time. i wonder how long i'm gonna stay, for sure i want to stay longer than 6 months. i don't intend to go back so quickly, since i'm here might as well i grab all the knowledge and skills and to go back with confidence. yeah. :P so far things are okay, i seriously have no idea how the future gonna be but i hope by 2 months i'm well adapt with the system and environment. making new friends, finding my own place to stay and so on. it's quite difficult to change to a new working place, but alhamdulillah, since now i've experience it, i would know what to expect in the future if i have to transfer out again. i thought i was having a bad day yesterday until i remember sh waleed said "Allah s.w.t create things either more good than bad or 100% good". even things appear bad there are actually good in it. Allah has the knowledge and wisdom behind all this. so, don't give up ok. keep moving forward. doesn't matter what others think of you, we just met not more than a week, they can't judge me based on my first few days here. as long as i show improvement and interest, inshaAllah things will improve. and one more thing i'm lacking- confidence! huhu. that's always been my biggest problem but i pray Allah will guide me. and also need to polish my interpersonal skills. kahkah. it's not just a new environment, but the people that i have to mix with also change sociodermographically. haha. i'm so comfortable with people my own age or younger than me, so now it's time for me to learn to mix with the opposite group. if its tough, well, nothing is easy in this world. if we struggle and have patience, inshaAllah there'll be reward, as long as i'm sincere and always be in the remembrance of Allah. ameen. i made this choice and i don't want tp have any regrets at all, so i'm putting my full trust in Allah.  i hope my job will not make me away from You, but make it as a means to get closer to you, my Rabb. Ameen :)

back to nature

Eid Mubarak everyone!

Alhamdulillah..it's actually 2nd day of Syawal, only manage to write something today. Not that we were so busy yesterday, just..cant think of anything to write. Anyway, raya is just like usual, but of course, this year is a lot more meaningful. Why? Well, because....it's the only time I got long leave after start working, haha! Not sure whether this kind of opportunity will come again, maybe not until I retired. Really, I'm thankful. Last 2 years, for sure by 2nd day of Syawal I had to go to work. I still remembered, the 1st year I was put oncall on 2nd day. And it was not that good either- red zone call as surgical houseman. I can remember all the details, haha, especially what happened towards the end. The beginning was ok, but after 24 hours working things don't become that great. But it's okay, it was in the past and I learned something valuable also. ;) Then last year, because we weren't able to get unrecorded leave for raya, I decided to come to work. At least don't have to do oncall, better :) I just came to do morning rounds which finished by 10 o'clock then went back home. Not bad isn't it? This year, of course, all Praise to Allah, I'm on leave 1 week before and after raya. Haha. Just the thing is, I have to start working at a new place. I'm totally nervous I feel like screaming, but thinking that many of my friends also have to go through the same thing, just be prepared for it. Period~

By the way, this also could be the year that everyone will be around. Next week I'll be far away in a new place, then just a few weeks later, inshaAllah, my sister will leave the country. So the coming year, most probably we have to spend Ramadhan on our own, by the Will of Allah, of course. I just pray that things will be easy for every one of us, Ameen. I have a few plans, or should I say, missions to accomplished till next Ramadhan. Nothing much, just some ways to keep myself consistent, and I really hope I'll be among the steadfast. As a human, it's normal to have a period where your emaan decrease, but I pray I will not go too far away from You, ya Allah. Worldly life is not that easy, with all the obstacles and struggles, but thinking of the Rewards in the Eternal Life, it's definitely worth it. So, let's try to be a better Muslim, inshaAllah. ^^ Fighting! ~

old memories and new life

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

MasyaAllah, time flies so fast. in just a few days Ramadhan is going to end. I feel sad because there was time that I lost to dunya and got distracted, but above all I still feel Alhamdulillah, I was given the chance to fast longer than usual. Always look at the positive side. But of course, I pray Allah will forgive me for my sins and accept my dua. 

Anyway, another grateful note, I got my leave for Raya. So, basically I've been on leave just as much as I had work as a medical officer. Yes, alhamdulillah, completed my training. A new chapter with new challenges ++++ responsibilities now. And i made a choice which I have full trust in Allah, so I want to avoid any regrets. I seriously have no idea how things gonna be, so I will try my very best to work hard and learn more. But I hope I will be steadfast on this path and will not get carried away with my job and forgot the One who has the Power over everything, the One who owns the Knowledge of everything and also the One who has the Will on everything. I'm not gonna write anything about my job for now, because I have not started yet, just pray that things will be easy for me, Ameen.

I'm not sure whether I am going to make it to the Divine Link. We'll see how things goes.

Last night I was searching for my old notes that I came across my old autograph books, pictures, cards and letters. Yes, those were the days that we don't have internet and use letters as communications. At least I've given the chance to live in those time. hehe. I remembered last time internet and phone are not that important to me, but now it has become almost compulsory. The things that I checked first when I arrived at a new place is how good the 3G signal is. haha. how things changed. anyway, as i was reading back all the letters and cards, I was thinking was I the one who stopped writing? Most probably it was me, when I was in boarding school. I remember how distracted I was. Yes, I was not that well-behaved, em, not to say that I'm bad, just I think I was naughty and playful. Your past does not necessary makes you who you are today. That was the time of ignorance and I've gone through the process of addicted with chatting, feeling excited with knowing strangers over the internet and so on. Well, that's not the point that I want to write today, haha. So, looking back at those letters and cards, I feel regret that I was not as thoughtful as I wanted to. I think of my old friends, but somehow it just stopped there in me head, I didn't express it with my actions. thanks to the new technologies, now we are able to keep up through social network sites, but I am the one who feel awkward to try to reach them. Hm. Maybe that's the reason I'm back to the place where I had all my childhood memories. Now things are different. Of course, if you live in the past, you will not have the future.We will never know how things gonna be even if we wish we could turn back time, so let's not waste our time to think about. Only Allah has the full knowledge of everything, about the things that had never occur and how it's gonna be if it happen. We are given the choice to decide on our future, by the Will of Allah. That's the divine predestination. :) Anyway, I may have missed the Laylatul Qadr :(, but I pray for the months after Ramadhan, I will be a better person, InshaAllah. And I hope I'll get the chance to see another Ramadhan. Ameen~