it's a good day!

helo..today i turned 24!like, finally..so long i've been waiting..haha..anyway, it's a good day..but i didnt do anything..coz i was freaking sick since yesterday..yes..i was postcall and suddenly i feel so nauseated.i vomited once after lunch..the feeling is..yikes..i'd rather had diarrhea than vomiting..huhu..really, the last time i vomit was 12 years ago (yes, i remember exactly)..and i cant imagine how dreadful it is to patients who came in with complaint of frequent vomiting..huhu..but i'm glad i had great colleagues, and really thankful to have them by my side yesterday..really really thankful :)

anyway, tomorrow's gonna be another long day, but i hope i'm back to my healthy states so that i can handle my call without causing problems to my colleagues..huhu..anyway, i guess being sick is a blessing in disguise..it's a good reminder for me..thank you Allah..:)

wonderland..~~~

haihhh..i know i'm not supposed to sigh, but i ammmm..hmmm..last 2 weeks was depressing enough, last week is more depressing..actually it was ok, but then i got nervous..it's totally different when u lose your confidence..it seems everything u do might go wrong..but i'm trying my best to do a good job..apparently, on friday i was oncall and suddenly got the news my mom got admitted..haih..thank God that night nothing much happened..i spent my weekend in the ward with my other family members..i've never seen ma so sick in my whole life..but then, alhamdulillah by sunday she improved..:)

anyway, i dun know why but i am becoming blur every day..a few people asked whether i'm having problems cause i looked so depressed..but truthfully, i have so many things in my mind i dun know which one dat really bothers me..so confused with myself..huhu..even today i almost made one stupid and embarrassing but luckily my colleague helped me out..i wish i am actually in a korean drama, where at this moment the main male character will come and help me sort things out with nice background music.. and things become good after that..(alrite, i am really in a wonderland now)

ok, now i have to get back to reality..tomorrow gonna be another long day..i thought the last week in december should be perfect..i wish..~~ -_-

haunted

it's one month already..i thought i did a good job, but..i dunno, probably i was distracted..now, i'm having my punishment..ahhh..the incident is haunting me like..forever! totally cant get over it..cant stop thinking why didn't i do this, why didnt i do that..why it never crossed my mind..haih..the word E is scary, but its scarier to be the subject of discussion about it..and it's even more scarier when you were there to hear about it with 60 other people in the same room...aaaahhhh!!! no one knows how miserable i feel inside..i was given assurance but stilll..it's haunting me! huhu...

a few times people asked me how do i manage to look happy everyday? yeah..outside you can see me working like nothing worries me, but inside...it's cloudy, raining hard and stormyyy..dush dush dush..adding to this matter..i dun know..it's tsunami!

i learned a lesson..and i'll try my best to not make any more major mistakes..probably because i was away from You..i feel shameful of myself..i really need Your guidance, ya Allah..please dont let me go too far away from You..amiin~~~