wonderland..~~~

haihhh..i know i'm not supposed to sigh, but i ammmm..hmmm..last 2 weeks was depressing enough, last week is more depressing..actually it was ok, but then i got nervous..it's totally different when u lose your confidence..it seems everything u do might go wrong..but i'm trying my best to do a good job..apparently, on friday i was oncall and suddenly got the news my mom got admitted..haih..thank God that night nothing much happened..i spent my weekend in the ward with my other family members..i've never seen ma so sick in my whole life..but then, alhamdulillah by sunday she improved..:)

anyway, i dun know why but i am becoming blur every day..a few people asked whether i'm having problems cause i looked so depressed..but truthfully, i have so many things in my mind i dun know which one dat really bothers me..so confused with myself..huhu..even today i almost made one stupid and embarrassing but luckily my colleague helped me out..i wish i am actually in a korean drama, where at this moment the main male character will come and help me sort things out with nice background music.. and things become good after that..(alrite, i am really in a wonderland now)

ok, now i have to get back to reality..tomorrow gonna be another long day..i thought the last week in december should be perfect..i wish..~~ -_-

haunted

it's one month already..i thought i did a good job, but..i dunno, probably i was distracted..now, i'm having my punishment..ahhh..the incident is haunting me like..forever! totally cant get over it..cant stop thinking why didn't i do this, why didnt i do that..why it never crossed my mind..haih..the word E is scary, but its scarier to be the subject of discussion about it..and it's even more scarier when you were there to hear about it with 60 other people in the same room...aaaahhhh!!! no one knows how miserable i feel inside..i was given assurance but stilll..it's haunting me! huhu...

a few times people asked me how do i manage to look happy everyday? yeah..outside you can see me working like nothing worries me, but inside...it's cloudy, raining hard and stormyyy..dush dush dush..adding to this matter..i dun know..it's tsunami!

i learned a lesson..and i'll try my best to not make any more major mistakes..probably because i was away from You..i feel shameful of myself..i really need Your guidance, ya Allah..please dont let me go too far away from You..amiin~~~

waiting for the end

this month is ending in a few days..nope, in a day only..and december is coming..yeayy..cant wait for the end of year..i always love end of year..keke..for one special reason :P

anyway, i'm now half a month in my new posting, and i'm starting to enjoy it..the first few days was tough..i was blur and cant tell how i missed my previous posting..it's like missing home badly when you're away..but i cant call it homesick..it's more like firstpostingsick..haha..whatever..anyway, after one week i'm able to adapt to the new environment..however, things are still bit hard, still trying my best to catch up..i got annoyed with the screamings but i really adore the babies when they are sleeping..so peaceful..hehe..and hopefully i can pass this posting without any problem..enough with one small mistake i made (uhuk2) previously, i'll try my best to do a good job this time..and i'm glad to have another group of nice colleagues working with me :)


my new addiction: my Mr Sam Wave..keke..sorry Corby..i have to leave you...but i really really love you..hehe..:P:P

goodbye 'orange'!~

today is officially my last day in surgery..but i left the department 3 days ago..ah, sekejap je cuti nih..tomorrow i'm going to start a new posting..walalala..i'm nervous! 두근 두근....~~~~

anyway, the last few weeks in surgery, lots of things happened..i almost got extended because of a stupid irresponsible mistake, luckily i was given a 'lighter' punishment..it was just as bad, but..i enjoyed working anyway..huhu..i got to assist in my final major op on the 1st day of November..oh, how could i forget that day? unexpectedly, the op lasted for 8 hours, and i was suffering from cramping abdominal pain..God knows how painful it was and i have to bear with it..>_<

last few days was ok..i received my copy of JYJ and 2PM album! yay! even tho it was a bit expensive, but what to do..haha..it's not like they're producing new album every month..:P:P i totally love 'Still 2:00 PM'..the songs are great..JYJ? the songs are good, hehe..but for now, i'm in love with 'CN BLUE-Love Light'..listening to it for about 100x, but still loving it..haha..

okay, i'm totally out of idea..so, that's all for now..hopefully new postings will bring more new knowledge and experience..huhu..chowww~~

D-day: Ten-Ten-Ten

it's D-day: 10/10/10..finally..tomorrow..yesterday we had our faculty's ceremony..and we finally took our oath..it's good to meet everyone again..but not everyone was there..most of them had lose weight with obvious changes..hehe..me?? i know i didnt lose much, but people kept saying i look thinner..keke.. i'm just thankful :P:P

i had a hectic week last week..starting from monday..seriously..death occurred almost everyday..non stop admission..anyway, i hope by next week things will settle down a bit..and i have to say i hate it when someone suddenly become cocky (taktau spelling betul ke tak)..please la, dun do that..just be the person you were before. we should respect each other. no matter how much you hate dat person, if you're a better person, just show that you are. u dont have to put that person on the bad side.. this is a reminder for myself..i hope i wont turn out to be that kind of person in the future..aminn~

oh no, after tomorrow have to go back to work again..so lazyy..heh..i hope i'll get some time to revise some things before assessment..dun know when, but i really hope i can leave this department safely..with a competent knowledge and skills..huhu..ciao~~

reminder~

as time goes by i realized i have changed a bit..well, not a bit..but a lot..since the past few weeks i started to feel like i'm losing my sincerity. sometimes i got irritated and been cursing silently in my heart..really, i cant believe that i'm turning into such person.. when i was studying i always remind myself i have to be sincere in whatever i do..but now..i hope it was not obvious to other people..i'm writing this down as a reminder for myself, if i am ever to lose my patience, i have to remember the person that i used to be. all the values and things that i believe in in. where had all my empathy gone? this is just a beginning, there's still a long way to go.. remember Allah, your parents & family..and be thankful for everything that you've been blessed with~

Ibrahim a.s once asked Allah, "O my Lord!Where does the disease come from?"
He said, "From me."
Ibrahim a.s said, "Where does the cure come from?"
He said, "From me."
Ibrahim a.s said, "What is the role of the doctor then?"
He said, "A man in whose hands I send and cause cure."

two months

annyeong..wah..so long already since i last updated this blog..haha..so busy with work..trying to catch up with everything..if i am to write everything from the 'first day of life' i wont be able to recall everything..but so far last week is the worst week ever..starting from sunday, i feel like i lost my hope when my patient's bedsore which i noticed was improving just 2 days before suddenly became ugly..stress..then the next day i was humiliated in front of many people because of antibiotic dosage..thank God the surgeon was so nice, i actually want to cry because it was so embarassing..my eyes were actually wet but luckily i was wearing a face mask so no one can see my expression..huhu..the subsequent days were okkay, but i had my first call in redzone..3 cases in a row, i dun even have time to break fast..itupun dapat a piece of kuih from radiographer kat x-ray department, thanks a lot..it was not so bad, i got to sleep a few hours after i settled everything, but i didn't wake up for sahur..seriously tido mati..hehe..but my 2nd call in redzone on 2nd raya was much worse..from 7am to the next day i didn't get to sleep..sob2..sedihh..argh..nevermind, looking at the bright side i got to learn a few new things..huhu..and some people are actually nice to me, i'm so thankful~

i was quite nervous to go to work this week but alhamdulillah things were good..i don't have any call and i got to learn more new things in the ward..next week is the last week and going for another ward rotation..sekejap je, tak lame lagi dah assessment..oh yeah, the next thing i'm so looking forward to is convocation! tak sabar nak jumpe my old classmates..miss them so much..:) i hope at least things will happen as planned..amiin..~

so far i haven't explored the royal city yet, i dun have that many friends to ajak lepak2..i'm a bit slow in getting close to people..i need at least half a year to do so..haha..come on sarah, be more proactive!ahh..i thought i'm more proactive compared to my med school time, but apparently it's not enough..need to work harder..oh, and i need to present case better..파이팅..!!! ㅅ_ㅅ~