oh hoo..things are not so good lately..but i had a few great moment by myself..and i'm thankful to God, maybe it's time for Allah to test me after giving me a good time..anyway, i finally found it..found the satisfaction in doing sumthing with sincerity..i remembered last time i was wondering is dat even possible? and yes, now i know how great it feels when u do something with sincerity..:) i'll remember this and if i'm gonna become insincere, i'll recall this particular time..
anyway, sumthing not so good also happened. d last few weeks i apparently got mad with a colleague. i dun know why, but everytime i try to rationalize things i'll just feel angry trying to think about it..i thought maybe i was wrong and i even had said sorry, but when i try to think what went wrong i cant find d answer. probably because i kept everything for so long i just cant stand it anymore. i feel like d boundaries had been crossed. i dun know what kind of boundary, but it feels dat way.. n d worst part is i cant even tell the details to a close friend. i dunno, probably it was my own problem coz i'm scared it'll affect everyone's relationship..so i have to held it in..but yesterday it was as if i had reach my limit n i really need some time to b alone.. i thought i'll be okay so i just go along..but apparently, not..my chest felt so heavy n i need to cry..at one moment i feel like running away n cry, but it was too dramatic..so i held it in for a few hours..by the time my working hours end, dats when i bursts into tears..along d way i was driving home i was crying..i didnt know i had such a weak heart..n because of dat, i feel like it has made my friend felt bad..but really, if given a chance i wouldnt know how to explain. probably dats just the consequences of holding everything in for so long, everything got mixed up and i got confused which one is really d cause of it..
i dunno wat to do..so now, i'm wishing dat there'll be a nice script for me so dat it's easy for me to explain and i wish sumone would write my life story in a better way..ya Allah, forgive me for my wrongdoings and please guide me to become a better person..amiin~~ -_-
anyway, sumthing not so good also happened. d last few weeks i apparently got mad with a colleague. i dun know why, but everytime i try to rationalize things i'll just feel angry trying to think about it..i thought maybe i was wrong and i even had said sorry, but when i try to think what went wrong i cant find d answer. probably because i kept everything for so long i just cant stand it anymore. i feel like d boundaries had been crossed. i dun know what kind of boundary, but it feels dat way.. n d worst part is i cant even tell the details to a close friend. i dunno, probably it was my own problem coz i'm scared it'll affect everyone's relationship..so i have to held it in..but yesterday it was as if i had reach my limit n i really need some time to b alone.. i thought i'll be okay so i just go along..but apparently, not..my chest felt so heavy n i need to cry..at one moment i feel like running away n cry, but it was too dramatic..so i held it in for a few hours..by the time my working hours end, dats when i bursts into tears..along d way i was driving home i was crying..i didnt know i had such a weak heart..n because of dat, i feel like it has made my friend felt bad..but really, if given a chance i wouldnt know how to explain. probably dats just the consequences of holding everything in for so long, everything got mixed up and i got confused which one is really d cause of it..
i dunno wat to do..so now, i'm wishing dat there'll be a nice script for me so dat it's easy for me to explain and i wish sumone would write my life story in a better way..ya Allah, forgive me for my wrongdoings and please guide me to become a better person..amiin~~ -_-
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