oh nasi goreng..~~~

it has been a long time since my last post..anyway, i left medical about 2months now but i havent miss it at all..haha..oh, except for one time when i had a really bad(+ lonely) call in gynae ward (and covering caesar ward), that one particular time i missed medical..coz i cant make my own decision in this posting..oh yeah, since i mentioned gynae and caesar, jeng jeng, now i'm in a pinky environment --> Ob&Gyn!huhu..not that i'm excited and love it so much, but it's a relief to be able to get out of previous posting..anyway, so far things are okay, and currently i'm doing LR shift..i dunno, working in 8 hours shift should be less tiring, but my body is aching like maddd..as if i did 100 push ups and running 100 miles per day! ok, maybe it's a bit exaggerating, but i do have body ache..ouchh..

things in this posting are okay, except when i conducted a delivery, i would feel guilty towards my patients..eventhough i gave out all my strength and efforts to protect d perineum, there'll be tears..haih, plus d repairing part..haihh..i'll try my besttt!~ 

i'm listening to Beast- On Rainy Days and suddenly i heart rain pouring outside of d window..hee..anyway, i'm doing pm shift today, got 10 more minutes to get ready..i woke up today feeling a bit rajin, so i made nasi goreng..haha..its been a while since i actually cook anything..oh God, how am i gonna get married if i rarely do kitchenwork??hehe..i let my father taste my nasi goreng (usually i only it by myself) n he said not bad, but i have to make it more presentable..haha..ne, araso! maybe when the 'Flexi Hours' do happen i'll try to go to d kitchen more (can't promise)..huuu..gotta go..ciao~~

leaving green

tomorrow is gonna be a new day..for everything..Alhamdullillah, with Allah's blessing we are able to leave the 7th and 8th floor..really, i left that place without ever wanting to go back again.i hope it wont happen, but if it was destined for me in the future, probably Allah have a bigger plan for me..huhu..

anyway, the first time i spent my holiday gaining d most precious knowledge ever..i was so frustrated at first because my plan to go away from this place doesnt seem to work..suddenly so many things happened and no one seem to be excited about it except me..and i cant go somewhere alone, coz i dont want to and it was not possible to travel alone..in d end i joined the weekend course by al-Kauthar and like i said, i gained d most precious knowledge..so Allah do have a better plan for me..i hope i'll be consistent..

i had so many things to write bout the last few months, and even the last few days im in medical but i don't know where to even begin because there were so many things. but i think it was d most emotionally, mentally and physically stressful experience for me..(so far, compare to d other 2 postings :P)..when i tried to reflect how i was the last few months, i think i became an evil person..i have so many things to hate..really, i was not sincere and i complaint too much..i talk badly about other people and i think i become selfish also..-_-

ya Allah, i really hope i can be a better person..i hope this new posting will bring me more knowledge n experience so i can be a better person in d future..amiin~~

pause

well..it has been a while since i last update this..and yea, today i'm taking a break from everything..yess..every single thing..i just want to stay away from that place..hopefully i'll have a good 4 days rest and go back to work on Monday with a new feeling..i dun know, lately i feel like i havent been myself much..i became annoyed so frequently, as if i lost my sincerity..i really cant stand feeling like this.. i feel lost.. i dun know where should i go or to whom should i turn to..hmm

anyway, we lost a friend along our journey..it was definitely really sad..he was a really good person and a good colleague to work with..hope he'll rest in peace~~

i really hope things will be good to me..and i hope i'll be a happier person..since the last 3 months, i can count the moments that i was so happy and i laugh so hard..to be exact..three times..only three times..i feel so fake..

haru haru

it has been one month i'm in this new posting..i've learned quite a lot..just d procedures part i'm lacking behind..so far everything is just okay.. last week i was in female ward,most of patients are old and frail..i feel like working in a geriatric ward..huhu..some has good family members taking care of them, some was left alone n when they woke up they wander around the ward looking for their children..

it's totally a different feeling altogether.so far i'm stil searching for d sparks cause everything seem so dark to me..but i hope i wont lose my sincerity....huhu..just hope i can finish dis posting like my previous ones..hee..pleaseeee..i'll do my best! fighting!

talking to the moon

well, i love that song..it sounds like a good idea to talk to the moon since you cant tell everything to everyone bout some things..not even a family member or a close friend..there are some things that only Allah knows..yes..but its a bit crazy to talk to the moon anyway..haha


anyway, i hope i'll do well in this posting..i know i'm a bit slow and i dont get much opportunity compare with my colleagues but its okay...even though things become tough n hard, dun ever lose ur spirit n sincerity..fightingggg...i'm always gonna be okay! (while doing 'OK' dance)^-^

ss3!!

well..have to write this.yesterday arin was here..yeah..feels great to be able to meet all my old friends..:) apparently this time she came because of super show 3..ah, i missed it..haha..so its been a year la since the last concert..so quick d time passed by..i remembered last time it was near to our final exam but we still go..and thankfully it didnt affect our results..hehe..and yes, this time i still wish DBSK will be together n come for a tour..sad sad :( we had a gud dinner yesterday n again, i cant stop shopping! oh my god..please behave yourself! (i'm scolding myself) and yes, arin didnt fail to introduce me a new gadget..for sure i wanna have it! :P

ahhhhhhhh..i feel like screaming..i dun know why but i think something is missing..but i also dun know wat it is...confused confused..but its my 2nd week n i think i dun learn much yet..probably my expectation of this posting is too high..wehuu..i want to be sincere in my work..i hope i wont ever lose it..fightinggggg!!! ^-^

going green

aaaaahhh..i wanted to post on d day we got back from our trip but i was so tired and have to get back to work on d very next day..soooo...it's almost one week in dis new posting..and yeah, i didnt fail to get any scoldings..wahhhaaa..so depressing at dat moment..but watever, words had been said it's up to me to take it in a positive or negative way..anyway, i dun know what got into me yesterday but i cant believe i forgot to complete my specialist's request..that one, it's suicidal..obviously my fault but i cant find the reason why it slipped my mind..huuuu..crazyyyy crazyyy.hopefully nothing like dat ever happen again or else...i dun know, i may need to write myself a psychiatric referral for 'attempting suicide'..huhu

anyway, i cant believe i would have this feeling, but i missed paeds..really..haha..back then 4 months ago during my tagging time i totally hate it and i thought by the time i'm changing posting i wont missed it, but yes i am..huu..but i have to move on..still have a long way to go..and sometimes still wondering this and that...hmmm..hmmm~~ alrite..i lost my words already..like always, my ideas to write always stop halfway..i hope i'll improve..fighting!!! :)