Pieces of Me

taking step two

2012-02-05T23:53:00.002+08:00

Subhanallah..all praises to Allah..i have just completed week one of Valley of the Seekers and there was nothing that can describe how I'm feeling right now..only Allah knows, what's really inside of me. the only thing I can say it, it's definitely what I've been searching for..I know, there are still lots I don't know but I'm gonna make full use of this little knowledge I know..Alhamdulillah..

so I am taking step two..which is to remove my distractions. Facebook games and everything. yes, I deleted all the games I played. the other day I was thinking, what am I doing everyday? I should stop it, doing window shopping online and kissing virtual boyfriend every 8 hours everyday? seriously? that's what I've been filling my time with? How wasted..seriously. I was planning to stop but somehow there was not a strong reason for me to do it, actually, I was not strong enough to do it..and today, I finally have the strength..to leave it behind. I know, to others it isn't much, whatever la, its just a game or games. But to me, it is one small steps that surely benefit me in a long time. there are still many other distractions, but if I manage to remove this, I'm sure I'll be able to do it again, insyaAllah.

well, there are still many things to do. Living with the names of Allah. I will try my best. Keep going, one step at a time :)

reflection

2012-01-26T21:11:00.003+08:00

i'm taking a one step back and reflecting upon the last few weeks. hm. yes, i was deviated again, by dunia. that's why i think my mind is miserable and my heart is beating out of its proportion- they are not in peace. i'm having confusions and doubts most of the time.

anyway, a lot of thing happened. there was a time that i did a stupid mistake but i just have to live with it. i am now. then there was time when i thought i had everything i ever wanted but of course nothing is ever enough. then i feel suspicious and having doubts towards some people but i had to rub it off and telling myself if i was not good for me, then i shouldn't get involved.

and i'm trying my best to make everything right. since i have the opportunity to start from zero, i want to start from taking my 1st step in the right way. i refuse to get to know people from social network sites anymore. cause it won't lead to any good. there was no indication for any of us to get to know each other in the reality, why do we have to start virtually? it won't lead to anything, and i feel like it will only waste time. it's different from knowing each other beforehand than getting to know each other from virtual world. but knowing each other first doesn't mean we are allowed to have private conversations and chatting over the web/phone. i'm talking about relationship between different genders. this is what i learned today, so i'm trying my best to hold onto it. it's not easy, since i used to do the same thing before, but i have to protect myself. i hope Allah will always protect me from doing more sins and harmful mistakes in the future. Ameen~

one step at a time

2012-01-15T23:03:00.002+08:00

i am supposed to have shower like 2 hours ago but i'm stuck on my bed with my beloved 'bedmates' - my mac..hehe..anyway..as usual, something is bothering me..hm..

it has been 2 weeks for this new year..2 weeks since i attended Home Sweet Home..2 weeks since i turned 25..huhu..anyway, things like this dont happen often but alhamdulillah through the course i have better understanding and trying to change myself..not much..one step at a time..its a very very small change but i hope i could keep it up and do more changes in d future..:) but somehow making changes in your life could mean you'll lose some things u think it was important for you..like what i'm feeling right now..i'm having doubts and felt a little distance but i believe if it was the best for me, Allah would not let me fell into such misery as He knows best..it's not easy, yes, not at all easy..but i have to keep reminding myself i need to put full trust in Allah..i know i'm still doing procrastination, haha, but i'll improve slowly :P

anyway, the past 2 weeks had been good. i have mixed feelings..sometimes i feel happy, a little stressed out then happy again, then confused then sometimes feeling nervous and having palpitations..then i'm happy again..but i have worries..worrying i would make any mistakes that could harm others and at the same time trying to let myself enjoying my work..also worrying about creating fitnah towards myself or being insincere in my work..have to remind myself of my intentions of going to work everyday..

next week gonna be a tough week..2 days working over weekend..dun worry..let's purify our intentions everyday, may we feel the joy of it..Ameen :)

-oh..and i'm touched when there was one person dat noticed a very small small change i made on my appearane..hehe-

a new year

2012-01-02T21:33:00.002+08:00

alhamdulillah i'm writing my first entry of year 2012..haha, very funny, first entry of awal muharram xde pun kan..it's okay, i will try to improve slowly..

again, alhamdulillah Allah has given me opportunity to attend my 2nd Al-Kauthar course. the sad thing is i couldn't complete the 2nd day lectures because i was working night shift. i cant simply take leave because there was not enough people..especially around holiday time, i expect it to be a busy night.. but last night was okay..at least not much of drink & drive cases..only one patient came in like that but at least it was not polytrauma case..my last day in resus..tomorrow i'll be starting my rotation alone, but i hope Allah will always protect me from causing harm to anyone, amiin~

anyway, regarding the course, it has actually help me to strengthen my belief and give me confident to do the right thing. as all of us already aware, doing the unlawful thing is easy & doing the lawful things usually difficult. but with this very little knowledge i had, i'll try my best to keep it in mind and always remind myself to live my life for the Hereafter, not dunia..but of course, it won't be easy and i'm still lacking in so much thingsssss..please ya Allah, please dun ever take Your blessings away from me :)

surprise surprise

2011-12-31T00:27:00.000+08:00

tik tok tik tok..only a few minutes left while i'm writing this entry..anyway, i have to write this before i go to sleep, or else it would be meaningless if i write about this later..hehe

thank you so much guys!hehe..i'm totally speechless, and of course surprised! didn't expect this at all..totally clueless..well, what happened? hmmmm..:)

*flashback*

i was totally doing nothing around 8 pm..i was rolling on d carpet while watching KBS song festival..was hoping to see 2PM performed but i guess they won't appear so soon..then i was watching 'Take Me Out', definitely my first time watching the show, while thinking hm, do i have to appear on TV show later if i still can't find my partner in the future? haha..definitely won't do that! then suddenly i feel like checking my phone and there was a sms from fiza..she said she was down and asked me out for a drink..i rarely go out at night, especially if i am at home, so i immediately ask my parents permission..haha, so much for a 'counselling session'..while waiting for her i was thinking what could be the problem..but when i went out from my doorstep i was totally surprised by a birthday song in front of my house..i saw sarah holding a birthday cake with the candles then arifah appears..i was speechless..they came all the way from Klang..huhu..definitely clueless and didnt expect this kind of birthday surprise..that was so sweet..really :) *sob sob* and the birthday card..hehe..really really thankful, even though 'happy birthday' becomes 'bogoshipda' in korean..hehe..i won't ever forget this moment ..coz i keep it safe in this entry :)

suddenly i remembered 6 years ago when Yan, Zai and Aida (my rumate in matrix) did the same birthday surprise to me..actually i was more surprised to see the guest..hahaha..they invited 'my crush' to celebrate my birthday...hahaha..seriously unexpected and now i feel funny thinking how did i had crush on that person, keke...;P

anyway, i better sleep now..have to prepare for the course tomorrow..i hope the course will enlighten me with new knowledge..and i'll try my best to share with others..nite XOXO :)

oh..and i'm expecting a lot of birthday wishes :P thank you all for the wishes..thank you Allah for giving me a chance to still live until today :)

closing time...~~

2011-12-30T17:48:00.000+08:00

today is my last day of being 24..haha..so sentimental..anyway, i'm post night off and tomorrow i'm on leave..who would want to be working and feeling tired on your big day? hehe..

so much things happened for this whole week. i had my 2nd rotation in resus zone..my 1st time was ok, i was learning to be familiar with things. this time i learned more..and a lot..i even had to do a procedure on my own..i was so nervous and worried if i caused complication to my patient..and i'm curious to his real diagnosis so i will follow up on him, huhu..anyway, things are so unpredictable..i would say anything is really possible.. like a patient who came in with MI and completed strep, right before he was transferred out i saw him alive only a few hours later to hear that the patient collapsed and died in ward..i was shocked..

all of these things that i gone through will remind me that medicine is an interesting field, just in case i might feel like giving up later, who knows..haha..when i first started my years in school, people will always ask why i chose this field. i dont even know why..no inspiring stories or particular reason for it..but after going through clinical years i realized i was able to meet people from different walk of life..and after working i met more people..not just patients but also those who had worked with me..it's interesting..and my close relatives keep remind me to always have good intentions while working~

i am really feeling sentimental out of a sudden. hehe. anyway, it's the last day so it was really a closing time..for everything that i didnt achieve for this year..i would like to put on hold on certain things, and try to concentrate more on working for now..soooo many thingss i wanna doooo...and sooooo many things i want to improve myself...not just in work, but in all my aspects in life..lately i've always remind me about a lecture i listened a while ago..it was something like 'what would you do if one day Prophet s.a.w knocks on your door?'..what would i do? surely i havent done enough..so let's work hard for the new days aheadd..:)

curseday

2011-12-22T23:51:00.002+08:00

haha..the title already showed i had a bad day..yes..even from the moment i woke up from sleep everything went wrong..woke up late and missed my sahur..huh..arrived at workplace by 7 am got new case came for clerking already..hmm..starting from 12 pm patient just dun stop coming in..a lot of orders not carried out,everything pending..haih~the worst thing is nothing made my day..not even a simple greeting or smile..i tried to cry but my tear glands are not working, ergh..hee, so dramatic~

oh and i forgot to bring back my book again!! i wonder what will happen to it..tawakkal je la~

anyway what makes my day even worst was..i gained 1 kg over a day! i was supposed to be fasting and working non stop whole day but i gained weight..huwaaa..>_<

this kind of feelings remind me of my previous thursday am shift..feel like i'm back to square one..

just do some workout and stop whining!

aigoo~~

annoying & irritating

2011-12-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

i should be studying or reading something since i got free time but i don't know why i can't concentrate..so i'm spilling my thoughts here, as usual..

anyway, the past few days had been okay..some things happened that made me feel good and it gives me good motivation to work harder( fighting2!)..but some things just irritates me, like a drunken fella who had an accident and difficult to access his GCS..egh..why do people drink?! oh, and some people can't respect others by blowing their smoke directly to my directions like...eghh..please la.dun dragged other people in if you're harming yourself. so annoying..and some people took my book (with my name on it) that i accidentally left on a desk and returned it back 2 days later thinking i wouldnt find out about it..it was right in front of my eyes, so obvious yet dun have a courtesy to at least inform me that you took my book to photocopy it..yahh!!~ hmmphh~

today my friend and I were discussing about our so-called 'Dream Team'..haha..from our fave specialist to MO to AMO to SN/JM and PPK..hahaha..berangan je lebih..not that we have anyone as our favorite in particular..but thinking about it made me laugh so bad..hehe..funny funny..at least this kind of things made forget about the unhappy feelings i had haha :P

just a few days left before this year gonna end..again, its time for me to start counting days ^^

2 more weeks

2011-12-16T23:56:00.004+08:00

i was about going to sleep but suddenly i feel like randomly writing an entry here.no particular subjects to write about. probably a little bit about work and my progress in life..haha..whatever sangat

anyway, work is okay..it's getting interesting each day but i still have a lot to learn. i feel i'm getting used to the new environment and liking it, hopefully it will lasts till the end. last time when i was in medical i used to hate ED for admitting so many medical patients. haha. now i'm in ED i understand why. coz the people cant just stop coming to the hospitals..there are always sick people everyday, every hour, every minute and every seconds. huhu..not that i'm whining bout it, just i felt guilty thinking bout how i was insincere when i was in medical. now i'm sure those in medical would hate it just as much as i did but i cant blame them coz they havent been here.

anyway, there are always ways to get some motivation while working..haha..i got mine :P..i know in next few years i'll be laughing at myself for this kind of motivation, hahaha, but at least it made me happy to come to work. and talking about sincerity, again i am reminded by this kind of feelings you get when you're sincere. you won't feel annoyed..at all..seriously! but sometimes as a not so perfect human, there's this tiny part in my heart which has less blood supply and almost become ischemic that sometimes had ungrateful thoughts. hehe..i have to control it before it became infarcted, that time i would definitely lose all my sincerities..please don't ever let it happen, ya Allah~

i dun know what else to rumble about..hurm, less than 2 weeks left to remind me of the day i was expelled out of my mummy's womb..alhamdulillah for everything, i'll always remind myself to be grateful. hopefully something good will happen next year too..aminnn ya Rabb :)

s.t.u.p.i.d

2011-12-01T21:52:00.001+08:00

today was d most difficult day for me..after almost 3 weeks working in this red department, i've never felt so stupid and more stupid...huhu..at this stage, after finishing most of my major postings, i should be able to manage simple things on my own..yeah, i did..but today things are not that simple..well, compare to few days ago when there were 2 of us, this is my first time seeing such cases on my own..n hell yea, i'm blur! i feel like a moron for panicking over hyperventilation attack..haha..what a fool..then there were other cases keep coming in at one time i couldnt breathe..i was holding my bladder for d rest of day i can feel it's almost exploding..huuu..at the end of my shift i felt like i irritated my MOs..wahaha (gelak tak ikhlas)

anyway, while driving back i was thinking what should i do after a long and tiring day? while i was thinking hard suddenly i realized i was in Empire shopping mall already..i was thinking of having a cup of hot coffee..so i tried out a new coffee shop..i thought it was cool, having a hot coffee of rm 9..but i got shocked after seeing the size of d cup..hahahah..jokerrrrssssss...at least it made me smile at myself..another stupid thing to do..buying a sample-size free drink of rm 9..watever..then i went to a another shop, it was also my first time there..i ordered my food and drinks and it costs me more than rm 50 for a coffee n sandwich..but i was thinking, ha maybe today is the day where i buy all the expensive food..so i just paid without asking much..luckily the worker realized bout it and give me back the extra amount i paid for.they were like..'u paid for it??'..and i felt like another fool..hahaha..i cant believe how stupid i was..~haih

i feel so tired and my body aches everywhere..especially my back..ouchh...i wish i have my Hyun Ki Jun, who would be interested in knowing Goh Ah Jung's daily mood..but i am definitely not Goh Ah Jung and my life is no fairy tale..at the end of the day no one knows how difficult today was for me except Allah..and i thought i could just bear with it..nevermind if my MOs think i'm a fool, nevermind if my colleagues think i can't handle my own things, nevermind it other thinks i'm not capable enough..i'm actually working in the busiest ED in my country (as quoted by my HOD)..hahaha..fighting sarah..try harder everyday!:)

post night

2011-11-02T09:44:00.004+08:00

morning..i just came back from work..i did night shift yesterday..and it was okay..compare to last week where i was working non stop till morning..last night i got 2 hours break..alhamdulillah..hehe

anyway last night things were okay..i'm worried about my assessment..haih..i'm closing to the end but still not well prepared..but i hope so far im in this posting i've learned all d essentials..please, i just want to finish all this postings and leave this hospital..competentlyy...i want to be in a new environment and meet new people..hehe..n i cant wait to take a long break, i'm stucked in this country for too long...hhaha..poyo jeh :P

so my head keeps singing avril's song- wish you were here..it was nice..but making me feeling sentimental..not that i wish anyone in particular to be here..really, there was no one i can think of..haha..anyway i'm happy for a friend of mine..she was so bolldddd..she made a confession to d guy she likes and yes, sounds like a happy ending for me..oh my goddd..so brave...i would never do that..even if i want to i dun have anyone to confess to..haha..seriously..sometimes when i am alone i wish i have someone i can think of..pleaseee..give me someone to like...hehe..boleh ke?? :P

i have to put down my weight..yes, gaining weight means another imbalance in my body system..so, now i know what's my real problem is...stay fit n healthy sarah...dun just eat, eat and eatttt...d trouble with me is, i'm not consistent..i just hope i'm motivated enough..fightingggg~~i'm already in my outfit, but i think i need to sleep just a little bit more....keke ^o^

"all the crazy things you said, you left them running through my head..." ^^

lackadaisical~

2011-10-18T21:55:00.002+08:00

it's been a while..while writing this post i'm listening to We The Kings- Say You Like Me..hehe..i like the song..fullstop!

anyway i just came from KB after attending a national convention.cewah..it's regarding Hospital Mesra Ibadah..alhamdulillah, it was a good course and i gained a lot of knowledge.. i'm getting a better understanding about fiqh..but there are so many things that i need to know..so i have to read more..i'm trying my best to put my life in balance..:)

well,after attending the convention, i had a new spirit of going to work..i was grateful to Allah how i was blessed with His knowledge in healing..as we all know, any disease comes from Allah and only Allah knows best regarding the cure..well, my sentence is not really the real quote, i hope it is okay for me to interpret it in such a way..anyway, back to today's story..so life is full of challenges..as i'm trying to be a better person, Allah gives me a test today..a test on my patience..huh..it was so hard..so hard to stop myself from exploding and hurt those around you that my chest hurt so much..yup, my chest is hurt..not my heart..hehe..anyway, i'm not allowed to complaint or whine..how can i complaint when Allah has give me another chance to wake up this morning and continue my duties in helping those in need :) but as a human, i'm not perfect,so there was a time that i ..hm..to be exact, for a moment i was questioning myself..but again, Allah knows best..may Allah forgive me for my ungrateful moments..-_-

so far if you ask me regarding the so called flexi hours..if i have to rate between like and dislike, my meter would be more on the latter..i lost my weekend..i lost track of time..and i lost my opportunity to learn during weekdays..the job is tiring no matter how u try to adjust it..so i think i just have to get use to it and cherish every opportunity i have to gain more knowledge..insyaAllah~

oh nasi goreng..~~~

2011-09-21T13:06:00.001+08:00

it has been a long time since my last post..anyway, i left medical about 2months now but i havent miss it at all..haha..oh, except for one time when i had a really bad(+ lonely) call in gynae ward (and covering caesar ward), that one particular time i missed medical..coz i cant make my own decision in this posting..oh yeah, since i mentioned gynae and caesar, jeng jeng, now i'm in a pinky environment --> Ob&Gyn!huhu..not that i'm excited and love it so much, but it's a relief to be able to get out of previous posting..anyway, so far things are okay, and currently i'm doing LR shift..i dunno, working in 8 hours shift should be less tiring, but my body is aching like maddd..as if i did 100 push ups and running 100 miles per day! ok, maybe it's a bit exaggerating, but i do have body ache..ouchh..

things in this posting are okay, except when i conducted a delivery, i would feel guilty towards my patients..eventhough i gave out all my strength and efforts to protect d perineum, there'll be tears..haih, plus d repairing part..haihh..i'll try my besttt!~

i'm listening to Beast- On Rainy Days and suddenly i heart rain pouring outside of d window..hee..anyway, i'm doing pm shift today, got 10 more minutes to get ready..i woke up today feeling a bit rajin, so i made nasi goreng..haha..its been a while since i actually cook anything..oh God, how am i gonna get married if i rarely do kitchenwork??hehe..i let my father taste my nasi goreng (usually i only it by myself) n he said not bad, but i have to make it more presentable..haha..ne, araso! maybe when the 'Flexi Hours' do happen i'll try to go to d kitchen more (can't promise)..huuu..gotta go..ciao~~

leaving green

2011-07-12T23:51:00.002+08:00

tomorrow is gonna be a new day..for everything..Alhamdullillah, with Allah's blessing we are able to leave the 7th and 8th floor..really, i left that place without ever wanting to go back again.i hope it wont happen, but if it was destined for me in the future, probably Allah have a bigger plan for me..huhu..

anyway, the first time i spent my holiday gaining d most precious knowledge ever..i was so frustrated at first because my plan to go away from this place doesnt seem to work..suddenly so many things happened and no one seem to be excited about it except me..and i cant go somewhere alone, coz i dont want to and it was not possible to travel alone..in d end i joined the weekend course by al-Kauthar and like i said, i gained d most precious knowledge..so Allah do have a better plan for me..i hope i'll be consistent..

i had so many things to write bout the last few months, and even the last few days im in medical but i don't know where to even begin because there were so many things. but i think it was d most emotionally, mentally and physically stressful experience for me..(so far, compare to d other 2 postings :P)..when i tried to reflect how i was the last few months, i think i became an evil person..i have so many things to hate..really, i was not sincere and i complaint too much..i talk badly about other people and i think i become selfish also..-_-

ya Allah, i really hope i can be a better person..i hope this new posting will bring me more knowledge n experience so i can be a better person in d future..amiin~~

pause

2011-06-02T17:24:00.002+08:00

well..it has been a while since i last update this..and yea, today i'm taking a break from everything..yess..every single thing..i just want to stay away from that place..hopefully i'll have a good 4 days rest and go back to work on Monday with a new feeling..i dun know, lately i feel like i havent been myself much..i became annoyed so frequently, as if i lost my sincerity..i really cant stand feeling like this.. i feel lost.. i dun know where should i go or to whom should i turn to..hmm

anyway, we lost a friend along our journey..it was definitely really sad..he was a really good person and a good colleague to work with..hope he'll rest in peace~~

i really hope things will be good to me..and i hope i'll be a happier person..since the last 3 months, i can count the moments that i was so happy and i laugh so hard..to be exact..three times..only three times..i feel so fake..

haru haru

2011-04-17T16:22:00.002+08:00

it has been one month i'm in this new posting..i've learned quite a lot..just d procedures part i'm lacking behind..so far everything is just okay.. last week i was in female ward,most of patients are old and frail..i feel like working in a geriatric ward..huhu..some has good family members taking care of them, some was left alone n when they woke up they wander around the ward looking for their children..

it's totally a different feeling altogether.so far i'm stil searching for d sparks cause everything seem so dark to me..but i hope i wont lose my sincerity....huhu..just hope i can finish dis posting like my previous ones..hee..pleaseeee..i'll do my best! fighting!

talking to the moon

2011-03-26T22:46:00.002+08:00

well, i love that song..it sounds like a good idea to talk to the moon since you cant tell everything to everyone bout some things..not even a family member or a close friend..there are some things that only Allah knows..yes..but its a bit crazy to talk to the moon anyway..haha

last week so many unexpected things happen. it is so rare. so rare that i'm sure it will only happen once in my lifetime..so starting today and the coming weeks, months and even years, i wont ask for more..really..but sumtimes i feel greedy i keep thinking bout it as my last wish, my hundred thousand times last wishes..huhu..i just realize my feelings are becoming real each n everyday, so i hope but next week it will disappear like bubbles..i know if something are not meant to be, i have to accept it with an open heart :)

anyway, i hope i'll do well in this posting..i know i'm a bit slow and i dont get much opportunity compare with my colleagues but its okay...even though things become tough n hard, dun ever lose ur spirit n sincerity..fightingggg...i'm always gonna be okay! (while doing 'OK' dance)^-^

ss3!!

2011-03-21T20:40:00.003+08:00

well..have to write this.yesterday arin was here..yeah..feels great to be able to meet all my old friends..:) apparently this time she came because of super show 3..ah, i missed it..haha..so its been a year la since the last concert..so quick d time passed by..i remembered last time it was near to our final exam but we still go..and thankfully it didnt affect our results..hehe..and yes, this time i still wish DBSK will be together n come for a tour..sad sad :( we had a gud dinner yesterday n again, i cant stop shopping! oh my god..please behave yourself! (i'm scolding myself) and yes, arin didnt fail to introduce me a new gadget..for sure i wanna have it! :P

ahhhhhhhh..i feel like screaming..i dun know why but i think something is missing..but i also dun know wat it is...confused confused..but its my 2nd week n i think i dun learn much yet..probably my expectation of this posting is too high..wehuu..i want to be sincere in my work..i hope i wont ever lose it..fightinggggg!!! ^-^

going green

2011-03-19T19:13:00.002+08:00

aaaaahhh..i wanted to post on d day we got back from our trip but i was so tired and have to get back to work on d very next day..soooo...it's almost one week in dis new posting..and yeah, i didnt fail to get any scoldings..wahhhaaa..so depressing at dat moment..but watever, words had been said it's up to me to take it in a positive or negative way..anyway, i dun know what got into me yesterday but i cant believe i forgot to complete my specialist's request..that one, it's suicidal..obviously my fault but i cant find the reason why it slipped my mind..huuuu..crazyyyy crazyyy.hopefully nothing like dat ever happen again or else...i dun know, i may need to write myself a psychiatric referral for 'attempting suicide'..huhu

anyway, i cant believe i would have this feeling, but i missed paeds..really..haha..back then 4 months ago during my tagging time i totally hate it and i thought by the time i'm changing posting i wont missed it, but yes i am..huu..but i have to move on..still have a long way to go..and sometimes still wondering this and that...hmmm..hmmm~~ alrite..i lost my words already..like always, my ideas to write always stop halfway..i hope i'll improve..fighting!!! :)

hana dul set...~~~

2011-03-06T16:59:00.002+08:00

hey ho..this is probably my last weekend off..the next 2 weeks i'll be busy with tagging then dun know how things gonna be after this..dun know which posting im going next..hopefully by tomorrow or day after i can settle everything, then by wednesday i can go on holiday with peace..at this moment i really really wanna meet my old friends.. 나의 친구...!!! sob2...2 more days..be patient..everything will be good..an acquaintance said i shouldn't bother bout this and dont let trivial matters like this clutter my mind..currently i love listening to Dream High OST..JUn.K's song is not bad..love it! hope the next few months will be good and i wont ever lose my sincerity! fighting! :):)

back to december

2011-03-05T22:35:00.003+08:00

oh hoo..things are not so good lately..but i had a few great moment by myself..and i'm thankful to God, maybe it's time for Allah to test me after giving me a good time..anyway, i finally found it..found the satisfaction in doing sumthing with sincerity..i remembered last time i was wondering is dat even possible? and yes, now i know how great it feels when u do something with sincerity..:) i'll remember this and if i'm gonna become insincere, i'll recall this particular time..

anyway, sumthing not so good also happened. d last few weeks i apparently got mad with a colleague. i dun know why, but everytime i try to rationalize things i'll just feel angry trying to think about it..i thought maybe i was wrong and i even had said sorry, but when i try to think what went wrong i cant find d answer. probably because i kept everything for so long i just cant stand it anymore. i feel like d boundaries had been crossed. i dun know what kind of boundary, but it feels dat way.. n d worst part is i cant even tell the details to a close friend. i dunno, probably it was my own problem coz i'm scared it'll affect everyone's relationship..so i have to held it in..but yesterday it was as if i had reach my limit n i really need some time to b alone.. i thought i'll be okay so i just go along..but apparently, not..my chest felt so heavy n i need to cry..at one moment i feel like running away n cry, but it was too dramatic..so i held it in for a few hours..by the time my working hours end, dats when i bursts into tears..along d way i was driving home i was crying..i didnt know i had such a weak heart..n because of dat, i feel like it has made my friend felt bad..but really, if given a chance i wouldnt know how to explain. probably dats just the consequences of holding everything in for so long, everything got mixed up and i got confused which one is really d cause of it..

i dunno wat to do..so now, i'm wishing dat there'll be a nice script for me so dat it's easy for me to explain and i wish sumone would write my life story in a better way..ya Allah, forgive me for my wrongdoings and please guide me to become a better person..amiin~~ -_-

a new week

2011-02-13T15:07:00.002+08:00

so today is the last day i'm having my holiday..it's greattt...but tomorrow have to go back to work..hmm..not that i hate it, just that i really hope this last few weeks will be good..pleaseee...truthfully, i enjoyed working..but biasela, bile dah lepak2 ni rasa malas pun mula melanda..keke

anyway, alhamdulillah yesterday we arrived home safely..and my stomach also did not cause me any problem..alhamdulillah..i was so worried, ye la, from kelantan to gerik je dah nak dekat 4 hours, and the R&R also not very comfortable..kehe..so if anything happen during that time, wat am i supposed to do?? huhu..luckily, everything was fine, and yes, again, we arrived safely (if not, i wouldnt be writing this right?) :P

last night i asked from God an answer to my question..but somehow, i got a dream..but i'm not sure whether that dream is the answer or not..it's getting me confused..hm, it's okay, let's not think so much about it..i'm sure someday God will give me the answer..someday we'll know...lalalala..ho yeahhh~~~ ^-^

holidayyyy

2011-02-11T17:10:00.002+08:00

it's my 2nd day of holiday..n i'm in my sister's place now..yess..i'm in KB a.k.a newcastle..such a long flight..keke..nothing much, yesterday visited my uncle and cousin, today i should be visiting them again, cause its been a long time since i came back, but i'm not feeling well..my stomach is punishing me..huuu..it's neither diarrhea nor constipation..it's just..how do i say it..a painful change in bowel habit..haha..cam klakar je.. :P but really, i only hope tomorrow at least for 7-8 hours it wont cause me any problem..please please..such a long drive tomorrow..i just want to have a comfortable journey..

anyway, next week have to start working again...hmmm...oh yea, n presentation was postponed again..erk, suddenly i'm having thought block..i cant remember what to write anymore..so till ere..hope we have a safe journey tomorrow..aminnn~~ ^-^

busy night

2011-02-09T08:18:00.003+08:00

wahhh..last night was such a tiring night..at the start of shift already everything looks so busy, like so many things were going on when i entered labour room..hmph, nak2 ade 5 lscs last night..huhu..and the last part i even gave wrong info to my MO coz probably my brain is not functioning well..uhuk2, sorry boss..-_-"

remind me of last week when i had 9 cases back to back n one of it almost makes my heart stops...babies r supposed to be born with a heartwarming feeling, not giving others heart attack..huhu

the funny thing is my partner n i both have a same dream..really..when we woke up, we were like, "i thought there's a prem case but what happened?"it's weird that we kinda know about the case but no one inform, it felt so real..then later we found out there is actually a prem case but was being tocolysed..huhu..luckyyy..if not..sah2 dua2 collapse and takde orang nak resus kan..:P..but its funny bout d part we both woke up and wondering bout the same thing..haha, as if we communicate through dreams..hahaha

ya Allah, tonight will be the last night..i really really pray everything will go smoothly..n today i hope my presentation will go well..amiinnnn.. ~~~ ^-^

wehuuu..

2011-02-07T22:41:00.002+08:00

ahhh..2 more days..really can't wait..i need a break like..STAT! huhu..that's because i'm not feeling well today..luckily my presentation has been postponed, i got more time to sleep n rest this morning..huhu..really hate this feeling..it's exactly the same as what happened before my birthday last time..dat's why i'm not eating anything..since morning..yeah..macam tak caye je, but when i smell food i feel more nauseated. really afraid to eat anything, i'm afraid i'll end up vomiting like last time..which is..grossss..i hope i can survive tonight..hopefully nothing much so that i can recharge myself n will not cause trouble to my partner..-_-

anyway, this morning i saw this person, well, most of the time the situation is like this..dat person will never see me..heh..last time when i saw him i feel excited n my heart want to explode..hah..exagerrating isnt it? this time i dun have such feelings but i suddenly wish i'd still feel dat way, so that my heart will be preoccupied with this and not letting it open..yes, budget je, macam la ade org nak tackle, hahahaha..poyosssss :P

just now i almost got my appetite back, but now its gone again..haih..ya Allah, please give me strength to go through tonight n 2 more nights. aminnn..

wehuuuu ^-^~~~~

it's like a circus...~

2011-02-06T15:00:00.002+08:00

well, i'm writing today..means something has been bothering me..it's been awhile..so many things i want to write, but too lazy to start..huhu..anyway, one week has passed, n i have another 4 days of this shift left..eh, it's not days, it's night coz starting today i'm doing the night shift..alrite, i have to get this over soon coz i have one presentation to complete..aaa, tomorrow i'm presenting, n right now my mind cant focus on anything..talking bout presentations, remind me during my surgery posting..kehehe..trying to escape but in the end have to present in front all bosses..n i completed my presentation just one hour before dat..haha..but in this posting, definitely cantttt...huhuh

so what is it has been bothering me? i dun know..a person? a problem? an unidentifiable things? haihh..i know its bad to sigh buttt....there's sumthing heavy right here in my chest..compressing on my lungs and my aorta, obstructing the blood flow causing my peripheries to feel cold..hahaha..ntah btul ke physiology tu..anyway, the past few days had been giving me palpitations..i tried my best to improve my admission criteria but sumtimes sum cases just need to be admitted..cant blame us for dat. it's not like we intentionally doing it just to give some other people more job to do..last time i was also cursing when i was oncall n things like this happen, but rather than complaining, better get ur job done..we are all still in the process of learning..n i have lots more to learn..because of my past mistake, i'm trying to learn to trust my judgement, n not get affected by others. gosh, that particular day, was the worst time of my life. have to face it by myself n still continue working even though i feel like i cant take it anymore. have to be oncall on dat day sumore with feeling bad for not being able to recognize something important..ya Allah, please always provide me Your guidance..aminnn...

despite all things happened, i have a few things dat keep myself up..haha..i'm thankful for that..at least there are times dat my hard work was appreciated by others..:P well, you cannot satisfy everyone, so dont feel guilty if others blaming you or angry at you for something you did. still have a longgggg way to go..chaiyok2!

oh yes, i totally havent mention anything bout dis, but i'm glad i'm finally getting over it! when i saw dat person, my heart does not flutter anymore..its a big accomplishment, congratulations! at last i found my way to reality again :) weeeeee~~~

it's a good day!

2010-12-31T22:08:00.002+08:00

helo..today i turned 24!like, finally..so long i've been waiting..haha..anyway, it's a good day..but i didnt do anything..coz i was freaking sick since yesterday..yes..i was postcall and suddenly i feel so nauseated.i vomited once after lunch..the feeling is..yikes..i'd rather had diarrhea than vomiting..huhu..really, the last time i vomit was 12 years ago (yes, i remember exactly)..and i cant imagine how dreadful it is to patients who came in with complaint of frequent vomiting..huhu..but i'm glad i had great colleagues, and really thankful to have them by my side yesterday..really really thankful :)

anyway, tomorrow's gonna be another long day, but i hope i'm back to my healthy states so that i can handle my call without causing problems to my colleagues..huhu..anyway, i guess being sick is a blessing in disguise..it's a good reminder for me..thank you Allah..:)

wonderland..~~~

2010-12-28T21:47:00.003+08:00

haihhh..i know i'm not supposed to sigh, but i ammmm..hmmm..last 2 weeks was depressing enough, last week is more depressing..actually it was ok, but then i got nervous..it's totally different when u lose your confidence..it seems everything u do might go wrong..but i'm trying my best to do a good job..apparently, on friday i was oncall and suddenly got the news my mom got admitted..haih..thank God that night nothing much happened..i spent my weekend in the ward with my other family members..i've never seen ma so sick in my whole life..but then, alhamdulillah by sunday she improved..:)

anyway, i dun know why but i am becoming blur every day..a few people asked whether i'm having problems cause i looked so depressed..but truthfully, i have so many things in my mind i dun know which one dat really bothers me..so confused with myself..huhu..even today i almost made one stupid and embarrassing but luckily my colleague helped me out..i wish i am actually in a korean drama, where at this moment the main male character will come and help me sort things out with nice background music.. and things become good after that..(alrite, i am really in a wonderland now)

ok, now i have to get back to reality..tomorrow gonna be another long day..i thought the last week in december should be perfect..i wish..~~ -_-

haunted

2010-12-19T09:04:00.002+08:00

it's one month already..i thought i did a good job, but..i dunno, probably i was distracted..now, i'm having my punishment..ahhh..the incident is haunting me like..forever! totally cant get over it..cant stop thinking why didn't i do this, why didnt i do that..why it never crossed my mind..haih..the word E is scary, but its scarier to be the subject of discussion about it..and it's even more scarier when you were there to hear about it with 60 other people in the same room...aaaahhhh!!! no one knows how miserable i feel inside..i was given assurance but stilll..it's haunting me! huhu...

a few times people asked me how do i manage to look happy everyday? yeah..outside you can see me working like nothing worries me, but inside...it's cloudy, raining hard and stormyyy..dush dush dush..adding to this matter..i dun know..it's tsunami!

i learned a lesson..and i'll try my best to not make any more major mistakes..probably because i was away from You..i feel shameful of myself..i really need Your guidance, ya Allah..please dont let me go too far away from You..amiin~~~

waiting for the end

2010-11-29T21:55:00.003+08:00

this month is ending in a few days..nope, in a day only..and december is coming..yeayy..cant wait for the end of year..i always love end of year..keke..for one special reason :P

anyway, i'm now half a month in my new posting, and i'm starting to enjoy it..the first few days was tough..i was blur and cant tell how i missed my previous posting..it's like missing home badly when you're away..but i cant call it homesick..it's more like firstpostingsick..haha..whatever..anyway, after one week i'm able to adapt to the new environment..however, things are still bit hard, still trying my best to catch up..i got annoyed with the screamings but i really adore the babies when they are sleeping..so peaceful..hehe..and hopefully i can pass this posting without any problem..enough with one small mistake i made (uhuk2) previously, i'll try my best to do a good job this time..and i'm glad to have another group of nice colleagues working with me :)

a few weeks ago an unexpected things happened and i was so damn happy..i cant help but smiling and wondering whether it was fate..? but then i realize, again, i got a wrong sign..haha..it almost the same as what happened the past few months. anyway, i realize now that i'm not gonna let such thing distract me..whatever..whatever..blah blah blah..huhu

my new addiction: my Mr Sam Wave..keke..sorry Corby..i have to leave you...but i really really love you..hehe..:P:P

goodbye 'orange'!~

2010-11-12T20:27:00.003+08:00

today is officially my last day in surgery..but i left the department 3 days ago..ah, sekejap je cuti nih..tomorrow i'm going to start a new posting..walalala..i'm nervous! 두근 두근....~~~~

anyway, the last few weeks in surgery, lots of things happened..i almost got extended because of a stupid irresponsible mistake, luckily i was given a 'lighter' punishment..it was just as bad, but..i enjoyed working anyway..huhu..i got to assist in my final major op on the 1st day of November..oh, how could i forget that day? unexpectedly, the op lasted for 8 hours, and i was suffering from cramping abdominal pain..God knows how painful it was and i have to bear with it..>_<

last few days was ok..i received my copy of JYJ and 2PM album! yay! even tho it was a bit expensive, but what to do..haha..it's not like they're producing new album every month..:P:P i totally love 'Still 2:00 PM'..the songs are great..JYJ? the songs are good, hehe..but for now, i'm in love with 'CN BLUE-Love Light'..listening to it for about 100x, but still loving it..haha..

okay, i'm totally out of idea..so, that's all for now..hopefully new postings will bring more new knowledge and experience..huhu..chowww~~

D-day: Ten-Ten-Ten

2010-10-09T20:41:00.003+08:00

it's D-day: 10/10/10..finally..tomorrow..yesterday we had our faculty's ceremony..and we finally took our oath..it's good to meet everyone again..but not everyone was there..most of them had lose weight with obvious changes..hehe..me?? i know i didnt lose much, but people kept saying i look thinner..keke.. i'm just thankful :P:P

i had a hectic week last week..starting from monday..seriously..death occurred almost everyday..non stop admission..anyway, i hope by next week things will settle down a bit..and i have to say i hate it when someone suddenly become cocky (taktau spelling betul ke tak)..please la, dun do that..just be the person you were before. we should respect each other. no matter how much you hate dat person, if you're a better person, just show that you are. u dont have to put that person on the bad side.. this is a reminder for myself..i hope i wont turn out to be that kind of person in the future..aminn~

oh no, after tomorrow have to go back to work again..so lazyy..heh..i hope i'll get some time to revise some things before assessment..dun know when, but i really hope i can leave this department safely..with a competent knowledge and skills..huhu..ciao~~

reminder~

2010-09-28T21:01:00.004+08:00

as time goes by i realized i have changed a bit..well, not a bit..but a lot..since the past few weeks i started to feel like i'm losing my sincerity. sometimes i got irritated and been cursing silently in my heart..really, i cant believe that i'm turning into such person.. when i was studying i always remind myself i have to be sincere in whatever i do..but now..i hope it was not obvious to other people..i'm writing this down as a reminder for myself, if i am ever to lose my patience, i have to remember the person that i used to be. all the values and things that i believe in in. where had all my empathy gone? this is just a beginning, there's still a long way to go.. remember Allah, your parents & family..and be thankful for everything that you've been blessed with~

Ibrahim a.s once asked Allah, "O my Lord!Where does the disease come from?"
He said, "From me."
Ibrahim a.s said, "Where does the cure come from?"
He said, "From me."
Ibrahim a.s said, "What is the role of the doctor then?"
He said, "A man in whose hands I send and cause cure."

two months

2010-09-17T18:51:00.004+08:00

annyeong..wah..so long already since i last updated this blog..haha..so busy with work..trying to catch up with everything..if i am to write everything from the 'first day of life' i wont be able to recall everything..but so far last week is the worst week ever..starting from sunday, i feel like i lost my hope when my patient's bedsore which i noticed was improving just 2 days before suddenly became ugly..stress..then the next day i was humiliated in front of many people because of antibiotic dosage..thank God the surgeon was so nice, i actually want to cry because it was so embarassing..my eyes were actually wet but luckily i was wearing a face mask so no one can see my expression..huhu..the subsequent days were okkay, but i had my first call in redzone..3 cases in a row, i dun even have time to break fast..itupun dapat a piece of kuih from radiographer kat x-ray department, thanks a lot..it was not so bad, i got to sleep a few hours after i settled everything, but i didn't wake up for sahur..seriously tido mati..hehe..but my 2nd call in redzone on 2nd raya was much worse..from 7am to the next day i didn't get to sleep..sob2..sedihh..argh..nevermind, looking at the bright side i got to learn a few new things..huhu..and some people are actually nice to me, i'm so thankful~

i was quite nervous to go to work this week but alhamdulillah things were good..i don't have any call and i got to learn more new things in the ward..next week is the last week and going for another ward rotation..sekejap je, tak lame lagi dah assessment..oh yeah, the next thing i'm so looking forward to is convocation! tak sabar nak jumpe my old classmates..miss them so much..:) i hope at least things will happen as planned..amiin..~

so far i haven't explored the royal city yet, i dun have that many friends to ajak lepak2..i'm a bit slow in getting close to people..i need at least half a year to do so..haha..come on sarah, be more proactive!ahh..i thought i'm more proactive compared to my med school time, but apparently it's not enough..need to work harder..oh, and i need to present case better..파이팅..!!! ㅅ_ㅅ~

2 days left..

2010-07-02T18:57:00.002+08:00

so i was at home for 4 days and i went to shopping complex everyday..to be exact, to Subang Parade 3 days in a row..haha..so tired, dont even have a proper time to rest..

anyway, back to my whole traveling experience..the best so far..yela, dah 2 tahun tak kemana2 since my last trip to Jordan & Turki..:P

ergh, i dun know why but i'm actually kinda stuck when trying to write everything, but i'll try my best..at this time of day, during last week, i was in Alpensia Resort doing..er, probably was sleeping because I was so exhausted..haha..

ok, so here it goes..our flight was at night and we arrived in Incheon around 7 am..we took Korean Air..well, there was no in-flight entertainment (like movies/games) but yeah, it was okay since it was night and all I need was a good sleep because i couldn't get a rest since morning.. after we arrived, we were greeted by our wonderful & beautiful tour guide - miss jenny shin/shin jee hee..so we start our tour by some introductions and head straight to Seoul..first stop: Changdeokgung Palace..there was some historical briefing by Jenny which i've forgotten a bit,hehe (because there were lots of history and i was busy looking outside while trying to listen :P) nothing much, just lots of modeling sessions around the palace while learning some korean history and culture..hehe

then we went to Nami Island - the place where Winter Sonata was filmed.,the truth is I have never watch the series, except knowing the song and the main actor, so takde la rasa sangat feel Winter SOnata tu..haha..the place was really beautiful, exactly like what we see from tv..we had our first lunch and walk around with more photography sessions..it was a hotspot for tourists and also local people came for dating..such a romantic place :)

we had our first rest stop in Daemyung Resort in Mt Sorak..the place was great and comfortable..our first dinner was Seafood Beancurd Stew with Kimchi Pancake..aaaa, sedapnye! exactly like what we usually had in tropicana, but this one has the korean feel and more delicious!

then on 2nd day we went to Mt Sorak National Park and Teddy Bear Museum. i had so much fun..going up the mountain by cable car and also take photos with those cute teddy bears..our second resting place was in Alpensia Resort..the place wassss......daebaaakkkk!!!! hahaha..sangat mewah dan best..taktau nak describe camne..the place is a popular ski resort during winter, so since we went during summer, maybe the rate is cheaper..ah, bestnye..heee

ah, actually there are lots more to write but i have to continue packing my stuffs for induksi tomorrow..aih..maybe later i'll update the 2nd part..the journey to Seoul..haha..ciao~

안녕하세요~~

2010-06-30T21:24:00.003+08:00

hello~~~~

finally..the long awaited trip has arrived..weeee..5 days 4 nights in South Korea..yay! i'm glad i had so much fun..really thankful to my parents who made this happen..cewah, mcm acceptance speech lak..kekeke..aaaa..happy..행복하세요! ^-^

arkkk..so much things to write..yet so much things to do..serabutnye..balik rumah je dah dapat surat induksi..haih..er, i'll update about the trip later..that's all for now..~~

the 3rd week

2010-06-16T06:40:00.002+08:00

it's almost a month now i'm having free time at home..just came back from KB last week..i stayed there for a week..melepak kat rumah, reading novels and downloading stuffs..hehe..finished reading Ramlee Awang Murshid's Cinta Sufi..oh, the best! i would recommend everyone to read this..i heard that it's the last part of the Laksamana Sunan's story..there are 4 books actually..but all are good..please read..most favorite quote 'Mati itu pasti, hidup InsyaAllah'..heh..anyway, i also finished reading the Tombiruo trilogy..currently reading VT by Hilal Asyraf..so far so good..i like the way he puts dakwah elements in the story..i especially like the part 'kopi herba buatan Muslim'..haha, i dun know why but a certain brand keep popping in my head when i read it..:P

anyway, i dun know how much longer my holiday gonna be, but i'll try my best to make use my time wisely..right now been busy dloading stuffs..hehe..2pm..dream team..cinderella's sister..all my fave shows..haha, i just started to like wonder girls after watching them on Win Win..keee..one of the best episodes i think, glad soshisubs decided to subbed it..keke..arh, just now i have overflowing ideas to write but suddenly it became blank..aik..

ah, world cup..like always i'll be supporting Italiaaa...keke..eventhough obviously Inzaghi is not in the team anymore..sob..i'm just the type of person who would stick to one thing once i start to like it..does that count as loyal? hehe..but i'm also rooting for Asia's team - Japan & Korea! go go! i'm not really a football mania anyway, only gonna watch the game i think would be interesting..^-^

glad JYJ aka JaeChunSu is doing great..even though I would love to see all of them together, right now I'm accepting as if the subgroup is active in music since the other members have other busy schedules..huhu..read about the news that they are even collab with Kanye West and Timbaland..wow! 'i'm so excitedd..you guys enjoy the show '(---ho's style..hahaha) ..ok, i gotta stop for now..ciao..~

may-mories~ ^-^

2010-06-02T10:24:00.006+08:00

wow, it has really been a long time..i planned to write on the memorable day friday the 21st, but there were so much to do and the internet speed was not really helping me at that time, so now only i remembered to do update this thing..hehe

so what happened on that friday?? it was the day of our results were announced! and yes, alhamdulillah, syukur kepada Allah s.w.t..i'm totally speechless and i cried..if i am to recapture the moment when our beloved dean called our name one by one and announce whether we passed or not, i dont know how to say it..my hands went cold, no, it's more like frozen! seriously, hanya Allah je yang tahu..and bersyukur sgt sebab doa dimakbulkan, all of us (my housemates) passed! :) there are a few of us who didnt make it this time, but i'm sure within the next 6 months they're gonna a better doctor than any of us..fighting!

so, now it has been 2 weeks, and i'm happily sitting at home..facing my laptop everyday and surfing the net..but now i'm more into watching tv..and doing sudoku..haha..this probably will be my last long holiday, i dont think i'll have a month holiday like this once i start working..huhu..

anyway, i think that's all for now..please pray for the volunteers who were captured by the damn Israelis..hope they'll be safe..ameennn..~~

the best selection

2010-04-25T18:10:00.003+08:00

anyway, it's really been a while since i last updated this thing..well, so much things have changed and happened..kehkeh..starting from being uninterested of 2PM and now becoming their fan..kahkah..to be exact..junho's fan actually..aaaa..saranghei! if it wasn't because of lili and fiza who made me change my heart..anyway, i'm still a big fan of DBSK, just got their latest album a while ago..belum dgr lagi, because i had all the songs already..just buying it to keep it as a collection..and if it's really their last album, i should have it before i'll regret for not buying it later..huhu..and i am really looking for 1:59 albumm...i wanttttt...~ :P:P

for now i have to say goodbye to all this..my exam will be in 2 weeks..really really want to do well..this is it..the finale..the 5 years hardships and stresses..i'll pray for everyone..fighting!

still have a few minutes before maghrib..nak test cd baru: Tohoshinki The Best Selection 2010..annyeong~~~ -_-

super day!~

2010-03-21T00:03:00.005+08:00

ohho..i'm supeeerrrr tired right now...just came back from....

hehehe..if it wasn't for this ticket, i probably wouldn't go..because i'm not a big fan of them..but i dont dislike them..how i wish it was DBSK that i saw just now..huhu..i felt like screaming to EunHyuk please send my love to your best friend Junsu and DBSK fellowmates! hehe..^o^

i had fun..really! super junior were super funny..i like the part they did 'f(x)=chu' parody..ahahaha..lawak gila ok..heechull..aaa..speechless..ryeowook mmg cute..kekeke~and i enjoyed watching 'Sorry Sorry' dance..tak sangka dapat tgk live..i really like the dance. thanks to my ELF rumate (miss arin) at least i know a few of their other songs. =p

(My 2mp hp camera-bad quality :P)

anyway, this whole day i spent driving, walking and i'm totally tired..but i finally got myself a professional & simple Swatch..new watch! yeah..i can't hide the fakeness of my 'Nike' watch anymore..huhu

alrite..need some sleep and rest..hopefully tomorrow i'll be fully charged! study and case write up!! fighting!~ ^-^

Mystery Thursday

2010-03-12T05:47:00.003+08:00

I wanted to write yesterday but I was so tired the moment I landed on my bed I fell asleep.

Anyway, yesterday had so much of mysteries! Haha. ‘Mystery’ was definitely the word of the day.

Starting in the morning, I met a stranger who was a bit friendly and was talking about blah blah blah. And the moment we went separate ways, that person asked for my number. I said no thank you. Huhu. Right now, I dun even trust giving my number even to the person I’m familiar with, inikan plak stranger. I’m really not into making new friends right now. Blergh~

Then the funny thing happened. We met this woman who practically had been living in the ward as a guardian for the past few days. She knew a lot..a lot of mysterious things. Hahahaha..that’s when we felt like everything was a mystery..the newspaper also had lots of mysterious stories. yesterday was fun..i hope today will be better..amiiinn~

ah, need to complete my discussions for case write up..one more to go..aih, week 4 is almost finishing, gor 3 more weeks..sempat ke nak present case? hopefully everyone will do well in this final posting! fighting !! ^-^

p/s: how come everyone end up wearing pink yesterday? can you find out the answer..mysterious isn't it? (hahaha)

trapped!~

2010-03-08T21:02:00.002+08:00

hurm...something is not right..what is this..what is this in my heart? ..igeo... mwo..ya??? huhu -_-

anyway, sumthing funny happened just now..hahahah
our roommm..haih..so much trouble..but we were trapped for about 10 minutes (i think)..in our room..haha..so funny.. nasib baik shikin and zuha datang membantu..yeah, they're the best door breaker person in town..haha..no la, just kidding!

anyway.....i'll try my best to be cool..not gonna get panicked anymore! fighting!~

orchid day

2010-03-05T20:27:00.002+08:00

ah...huhuhu..i'm freaking out..suddenly i'm panicking by myself..

i need to be alone..tenangkan fikiran..huhuhu

there's no other place like home! ^-^

aihs..exam is around 2 months.. -_-``

i need a dose of micky yoochun!!!!O_o

huhu..miss my dong bang shin ki..hehe

hwaiting!! ^-^

february's note~

2010-02-28T19:51:00.003+08:00

well..it's been a while..i've been busssyyy for the past few weeks..finished anesth rotation..currently doing the final posting of the sem..MEDICINE! i want to do well..yeo ilshimmihae!!

what's new?not much..i've been watching God of Study lately..and the drama is great! it already ends in korea but the subtitles arent out yet..uh, cant wait! ^-^

life has been a little bit off the rail..i mean, i was a bit distracted by something..uh, my unlucky chapter of my life. whatever. i was good until last thursday i got this bad dream..arghh..it was so bad it disturbed me emotionally, but i think i am better this time..yes i am!

i've been thinking hard, how do i become someone who speaks her heart and express her feelings well? i'm not good at that at all..i really wish i could confront people and speak heart to heart with them..let them know my true feelings and intentions without me feeling embarrassed about it..argh, it's so hard to become a better person. i guess i dun have the courage yet probably because i'm scared people would judge me. i've been living like this for the past 24 years, probably i need more time. but i'll try best..i want to be able to convey my message well. and dun get panic and distracted but small small little things..hhuhu~

positive and happy

2010-02-04T22:37:00.003+08:00

I’m trying to convince myself that I’m a happy and positive person who would take challenges with a smile..but today, something sooooo bad happened! And I cant smile..i wanna cry..huwaaaaa..there was a small accident and a small part of the car is ruined..but I’m sure the repair cost not gonna be small..aaaaa..

Why ?? When I was just planning to save some money..bukan rezeki la kot..i guess it’s true..that it’ll be difficult for me to mengumpul kekayaan..ah, what the heck..but I really cant help but feeling guilty towards my parents. I can’t take care of the car properly. Sob2~

nevermind..tomorrow i'll start a new day with a smile :)

Anyway, i’m back to square 1. February is the new year for me. Heh..i didn’t know that surgery was so stressful that by the time the posting ends only it came..hopefully with restarting this, everything will be in balance.

I’m a positive person. I want to live a happy life. I don’t hold grudges. And I don’t care about unimportant things anymore. If I did something wrong, please tell me what I did wrong and forgive me. I’ll try to improve myself ^-^

*listening to SNSD-Into a New World.. sulpun ijen annyeong..~haha :P

end of january

2010-01-30T21:15:00.000+08:00

Yeah..went out wif Ed today! Dah lame gile tak jumpe..bile eh? Last year?? Eheheh..exactly when I dun remember..but it’s been a while..

Shopping!

Nasib baik ma hulurkan duit sebelum kuar, klau tak maybe hanya berjalan2 takde tujuan. Anyway, this is the first time I tried about 6 pairs of jeans..and one of it fits well but ketat kat betisss, slalunye klau ketat tu kat bhgn atas..ouch, I’m not skinny and definitely cant wear skinny jeans. Tak perasan lak tadi, men amik je..hahaha..last2 I bought a t-shirt at Marks & Spencer..at a reasonable price..of course! ^-^

Anyway, tomorrow I have to go to Damai to pack my things and move back to Serdang. But if I’m rajin probably I made a few trips back from Serdang to Damai in these 2 weeks. Depends~~ :P

And I finished watching Heading to the Ground! Yunho did a good job, tapi sayang sebab crite tu beginning die tak best. If it’s on tv, I’d probably stopped watching by 2^nd to 3^rd episode..but if u have enough patience the story gets interesting from ep 7 onwards.. the ahjusshi who plays the soccer agent is funny. Oh, and I like Dong Ho also, cute! ^-*

Oh yeah, I discovered my own personality today..heheh, interesting.. most of it are true. But I’m scared about the part ‘susah mengumpul kekayaan’.huhu..probably due to my spending habits. Aih, I’ll try my best to buy only what I need and save more money! I want to travel around the world..wheeee~~

^-^

2010-01-28T17:04:00.001+08:00

Just finished exam and..yay!!! Finally..i can rest..:)

Anyway, it’s so sad since surgery posting is gonna end tomorrow *sob2* but it doesn’t mean I want to do the posting again, life goes on..exam in May! -_-

Anesth posting is starting on Monday. Aih, kene pindah serdang lagi. Have to stay there for another 2 weeks…

oh yeah. I know this one is almost 2 years ago, but I just watched We Got Married ep 26 yesterday..and HyunJoong was so sweeeetttt! I’m so jealous of HwangBo..hehe..the moment he plays ‘Falling Slowly’ with his guitar, my heart is melting..waaaaahhh~~~ (meltssss) hehehe..can’t wait to finish all the episodes ^o^

Anyway, can’t wait to go home. I’m craving for sushi right now..urgh, so hungry, just woke up from sleep..i’m going to finish Heading to the Ground episodes..i miss my Dong Bang boys..ㄱㄱㄱㄱ ~ ^-* ~

thank you~

2010-01-12T08:15:00.001+08:00

Yay! The best birthday present so far…^-^

Mr. Corby! Mr corby in pink..hehe

At last, I was so miserable with my previous hp. I dun know, probably I didn’t take good enough care of it..there are so many ‘bruises’ on it. Huhu.. so sorry.. it was my first hp I bought with my savings, probably because it was a ‘secret purchase’ and I didn’t get my permission from my parents, that’s why it got broken so easily..huhuu..

This time I got my parents approval, so hopefully it’ll be good. :)

Anyway, this is the 6th week in surgery. Need to pass up 3 case write ups! I hope everyone can finish their case presentation by today, cause I don’t want anymore classes! Even the lecturers are so busy and complaints we requested so many classes, but what to do..7 people need to present at least 4x. so we should have at least 28 cases presentation in 6 weeks! huhuhu

My energy level is depleting. I didn’t do much yesterday but it was so tiring that I slept early at 10 pm. Haih, it has been a few weeks since we did our discussions. Exam in 4 months ++ only..

For my 3rd year buddy – good luck for professional exam 2! Don’t panic, clear your mind and think straight..huhu, I learnt from my own experience…hwaiting!

wheeeee....~~

2010-01-09T03:02:00.003+08:00

Here I am all awake and don’t know what to do so I was browsing the web. I came upon anti fansite of SNSD..oh how ..em, I dunno what to say..bad? I am now in my final year and I’m currently into this Kpop thing, but I think becoming anti fan is immature. And then there was this anti fan site of DBSK! Omo! I can’t imagine how anyone can hate any groups. If you think they are not talented and not worth it, then why do you care so much to become an anti fan? I was not interested in other groups because I don’t think they are not that good so I didn’t spend my time to find all the bad stuffs about them or even try to actually get to know them. Haih, so immature.. And I don’t understand why people are interfering so much in something that they’re not really related to it. I’m not trying to interfere, it’s just because I can’t sleep that’s why I’m writing about this. I wanted to comment on the sites but I thought~ why would I care..it’s not gonna change how people think. If they really hate it, then nothing can change about it unless they want to..

But it’s funny actually. There are all sorts of people in the world. Even the one you think you know them well can become a weird person after some time. I dunno. Maybe I’m the one who’s weird. Probably I was wrong for not trying to make it right, but I’m now at the point where I don’t want to get involved anymore. Some people are not easy to deal with. So I don’t want to get myself exhausted after a few times the same situation happened to me. Maybe I just give up on things but I have my reasons.

Anyway, I really hope things about DBSK will settle soon.T_T Right now I’m diverting myself to listen to other groups but none can compare to them. I’m not giving up on them, and will always keep the faith..haha..sounds like a true fan. I dunno when and how I become like this ???(been wondering myself) hehe.. but really, I’m in love with them. :P anyway, no matter what the outcome will be, I know the fans will be affected, but come to think of it, the boys will be much much (10000x) more affected because they’re the ones who actually in this difficult situation. So I’m going to support them for whatever outcome it may be! Huh! Suddenly got this rush of emotion and semangat..hahaha..

*Yawn*..yeah, i think i'm sleepy now..gotta go to sleep..it 0300 already..nite~

phewww...~

2010-01-09T02:44:00.004+08:00

I’m so exhausted..! I arrived home at 5pm today and I immediately went to the couch (mcm HyungDon in WGM) and slept for 2 hours! Then just now after completed my slides I went to the couch again and sleep! I’ve never had such opportunity to sleep like this before..and that’s why I’m all awake at this hour (it 0221 right now). I think probably all my energy was drained out all the week and today is the only time when I can actually sleep. I’ve been going out early and came back to the room late in the past few weeks. There are so many things to do.

Like today, I went out early to go the ENT ward for the CPC thingy. I was rushing later on because of the ‘supposed to have’ class at 9.30 - trying to walk carefully in the rain to avoid my shoes getting wet and at the same time rushing just to find out it was postponed! I went back to the ward to get the deets on my case write up but the file was not there. Haih..then the class was postponed in the afternoon, that’s when I went out with my friend to BB to survey some stuffs (hehe). But then, we were not very familiar with BB and trying to find a place to get some food because we were totally hungry..decided to walk to Times Square but later on realized we walked the opposite direction..haha.. The two of us were wearing baju kurung and holding ‘watsons’ plastic bag; we definitely look like girls from remote area who were lost in the middle of the big city. hahaha!

I really hope I can get something to boost up my energy. Final exam in just a few months. Next week is the last week in surgery before mock exam. Aaaa..really don’t want it to end. But still have another rotation to do. Medicine! Aih..totally enjoying surgery right now. Not like during my 3^rd year when all I got was palpitations and sweats during my bedside teaching with our previous lecturer. Hehe ..this time we were scolded more because we are in final year and most of our lecturers expect us to be well prepared as a houseman later on, but it’s still enjoyable. A little scolding really helps actually..wakes you up from your dreamland. Huhu~

twenty three years

2009-12-31T23:33:00.006+08:00

wow..today is definitely..tiring! yet it's my birthday.. i even took a nap before cutting my cake..heh

oh no..i only have 10 minutes before 2010 come..better hurry, before my computer turned off sebab terlampau panas~

anyway, like always, thanks to all yang wish! i feel bad, because i didn't wish some of their birthdays..huhu..i'll try my best to return the birthday wishes next year, insyaAllah!

the best part of today is when i got to watch Tohoshinki's live performance in NHK Kohaku SOng Battle! yay! best birthday performance ever..haahha..eventhough it's not really for me, but since it's my birthday, i'd like to think they're performing for me..kehkeh~ so delusional~

it's 12 am already! can't believe 2010 is finally here..exam in less than 5 months! omo..!~

the weekend

2009-12-25T23:23:00.002+08:00

this is probably the weekend. when u dun feel like doing much even though tons of works are piling up on your desk..

when yesterday's class ended, i just feel like going back to my room and relax..to breathe..at last... i went out for a movie and window shopping for a while..it's great! after a long tiring weekdays, that's the best! and end up waking up late this morning..hehe~

got another tough weeks coming..please give me strength..yeo ilshimmihae! ^-^

currently listening to FT Island..luv their songs! :)

seasons of engangement

2009-12-23T15:14:00.003+08:00

i have less than an hour before i need to go back to the hospital. just stopping by the office to use internet, aih..susahnye hidup tanpa suis..takleh nak on laptop pun..boleh je kat luar tu, but, my room is far more comfortable and the most important thing is...internet coverage is better..huh~

anyway, hopefully there'll be bedside teaching for us today..so that everyone can finish their turn to present..just trying my best to get everyone present to fill in logbook and to gain more knowledge in this surgery posting. my fave posting during my 3rd year. but only now i realized i dun really know much about this posting until 2 weeks ago..all i could remember during my 3rd year is how we were all so terrified of our lecturer that i cant even remember me learning something from the ward except examining patient. huhu

5 more weeks to go for this surgical posting. but so many things to do. need to complete seeing forensic cases some more...keep moving..fighting!

oh yeah, congrats to all my classmates yang dah bertunang dan berkahwin baru2 ni..hopefully sume berkekalan hingga akhir hayat..amiiinnn~~~ :)

hmm..10 more days..~~~~

mellllllttttsssssszzzzz~~~~

2009-12-05T22:49:00.004+08:00

just finished watching You're Beautiful.. totally my fave drama so far since..i dunno? i think this one is the best.. the story plot is not too complicated and not causing too much heartache..and the characters are well played and interesting. oh my god..totally can't forget HTK's smile! and the moment he confessed his feelings, my heart flutters as well..hahaha.. over plak.. :P:P

anyway, i decided to watch the entire HTTG episodes. even though the first few eps is kinda boring..but i feel guilty if not watching it..for Yunho-ssi's sake..hahaha ;)~ currently waiting for IRIS episodes+ subtitles to complete, then only i can watch in peace..i hate to have to wait so i'm watching it slowly..if only Jaejoong took the offer to act in IRIS 2, mesti besttt..heheh..hope to see Junsu and Yoochun as main cast in drama as well, but of course, i hope they'll concentrate on what they are best at --> singing!hm..really miss to see all of them, hope things will get better..^-^

oh no..one more day left before my holiday ends..before the new and last semester starts!

drama marathon

2009-12-03T23:07:00.004+08:00

i'm currently watching back to back episodes of You're Beautiful..and my heart is beating so fast (dupdupdup ~ 200bpm).. hensem nyaaaaaaaa...hahaha..the drama ended a while ago, but i only decided to watch now since i've completed downloading all episodes..oh my..i'm melting..melting...~~~~totally in love with him..Hwang Tae Kyung-shi is so damn cool! love him! saranghae! ^o^ ^o^~~

my december..

2009-12-01T22:50:00.003+08:00

tomorrow is wednesday already..like always, this is how i spend my holidays. getting up every morning and turn on my laptop, get connected to internet then start downloading and downloading..so many things i've downloaded but still haven't watch..oh, how greedy! then i just cant move from my sit and stuck in front of my laptop for almost whole day..what am i doing?? no discipline at all! nappu yeoja (ye ke..?)! hehe~

oh it's december already..come what may..30 days before my big day..i dun know when i started to have this idea, but i thought getting a year older kinda cool..i dunno..wait until i'm 30, and still live the same life as right now, maybe i'm gonna regret having this thoughts..haha..hopefully it'll be good, insyaAllah..~

meat weekend~

2009-11-29T19:49:00.002+08:00

selamat hari raya aidiladha..it's finally our mid term break! one week only..yeah...huhuh

anyway, next week i'm officially out of serdang campus..for another 8 weeks? then have to go back to serdang for 2 weeks? haih..all my life spent in upm is about moving here and there..so tired! but what to do..only less than 6 months left..then hopefully i'll leave this place in peace..amiiinnnnn~

there's one thing that i couldnt understand since the past few days. it bothers me at first but now....i just thought..whatever! i dun understand why people never explains..but if they think not explaining is better, then it's fine. coz i think i'm getting used to people like that..all the time! whatever..~ i think something is wrong with me coz i keep losing people around me, but these people just left and never tell me what is wrong so that i can change. i assume it has to be my fault, but truthfully, i dun even know what i did wrong..really dun know..it cant be their fault if the same thing keep happening to me? it cant be that i'm destined to meet the same people who's going to leave in the end? it has to be my fault, but really can't figure out what is it... aigoo aigoo~

anyways, i've spent 3 days eating meat only! haha..and right now i'm going to download all F.O episodes before they're gone..who knows, if i'm late maybe everything will be gone..MC Yoo is leaving the show..haih, so sad.. i guess the show is gonna end soon..annyeonng...~ hehe..anyway, that's all for now..i'm going to watch all the videos while i can..yeh!

ho yeah..~

2009-11-13T23:56:00.002+08:00

Finished my ortho exam today! Yay! I hope I did well..huhu..somehow I feel a little bit disappointed coz I couldn’t present my case well..stumble upon my words. Argh..my English has not really been good but now I can feel it’s getting worse especially when I speaks. The right word doesn’t come out like what I have in my mind. Heh~

Anyway, I’ve been spending the last 12 hours watching videos and more videos.. yaaa.. case write up number 2 belum siap lagi..got 2 more days and 2 more weeks left for our ortho posting, really want to do it well since it’s our only chance before we finish our study. But as much as I want to do well and concentrate on my studies, I am easily distracted by the Korean entertainment thing right now.

I just can’t stop myself from downloading..and downloading..currently having interest to watch IRIS- as the rating for every episode is high, so it must be some good drama isn’t it? But at the same time also I don’t want to miss my almost-forgotten crush Jang Geun Seuk acting in You’re Beautiful! Haih..~~ since the rising interest in DBSK, now all my old Korean drama habits came again..i’ve stopped watching Korean dramas a few years (or a year?) ago, last time was Hong Gil Dong (with Geun Seuk of course..) then going back to American series and now going back to Korean series (plus Korean variety shows and Idols thingy right now!) even worst..we only have less than 6 months to final professional xm!

And I’m a little bit disappointed with current status of DBSK’s crisis.. cewah, xtau la sumber2 tu betul ke tak, but reading the articles are really disappointing. Even though I only started supporting them a few months ago, but I truly madly deeply love them as a group..they’re really talented and worth supporting. But, no matter how great they are, they’re still human beings, having limitations in certain things. Things can’t always be great, so..ntahla, let’s not put too much worries cause my professional exam is farrrr more important than all this ok!hehe

Currently I’m loving ‘Park Bom-You & I’. sweet!:)

novemberrrr~~

2009-11-03T16:55:00.002+08:00

Ah..it’s been so long..’long time no see’! Haha

Anyways, our final medical dinner just ended a few days ago..it was great! Really! But I was too exhausted I couldn’t enjoy the performances, but I know it was good. So thumbs up for 2^nd yr juniors!

Not so many pictures taken coz camera ran out of battery. Last minute preparation. Uhuk!

Post dinner..i got fever and flu. Luckily just low grade fever but the past 2 days I slept early and not studying. Ortho exam is next week!

Aaaa..orthooo..examm..sekejap je dah nak abis posting nih.. ok ke ni? Takott..rasa cam posting intro medicine and surgery dulu..this time tak seblur dlu but stilllll..haih..God, please help me..as on today, only 187 days left before the pro xm..huhhh~

But, day by day, my love for DBSK is still growing. Haha.. really love their Secret Code tour in Tokyo Dome..thanks to the great fans who uploaded it plus subbing it!..if not, I wouldn’t have any access to that or ever dream of enjoying it. They’re so great..so talented..really2 love them for their talent.. 동방신기 시랑헤요!^-^

Ah, going back to reality..please study hard..then so many things I want to do after this..화이팅!!!!

raya on our own

2009-09-27T08:46:00.000+08:00

anyway, selamat hari raya aidilfitri, maaf zahir batin. sorry to all my frens coz i didnt really sent out sms or emails or wall post on fb to wish hari raya..bcoz..i was not in a good mood prior to this hari raya..so many things happened justttt before raya..and justtt before ramadhan ends. cobaan~ bukannye ape sangat, but when one massive stressful thing happened, it can trigger all the stressful memories to appear..again and again (mcm lagu 2pm..hehe)huhu....~

so this year, we (me and my sisters) were celebrating hari raya in airport. we went to KLIA on the first night of raya--> parents going to Stockholm..we went to Subang airport on 2nd day --> our beloved doctor starts working on 2nd day..and last but not least LCCT on 4th day --> sending off our brother back to Kuching..that's the beginning of 'doing our own things' at home during holiday..haha..procrastinating and going out to shopping malls. luckily it's raya time, so we dun have to worry much about foods. and yeah, because it's raya, i GAINED 2 KG!!

and not to forget, congrats to Wawa on her engangement..:):)

oh yeah, i'm breaking the rules againnn (junsu's part)..kehkehkeh..i got Mirotic the 4th album..yeah..(best2)..but i like secret code better, i think..but i still love themmm ^-^

oh, and during this raya break, i didn't fail to study other things which unrelated to medicine. this time, i'm studying korean hangul..kahkah..at least now, i can read words written in korean..heh..tapi tak terer lagi, i need some time to spell and read it properly, haha..but now, when i see the korean writings, it's not so foreign to me like before :P *wink2*

this is the last day of raya break. cepat pulak masa berlalu. i hope my parents will arrive safely tomorrow.

last but not least, let's study orthopedics!

oppppssss..

2009-09-16T05:19:00.002+08:00

ahhaaa...

yesterday's bukak pose session was the best..hee..thanks dayah! arigatou...!

and i did it..uhuh...

guess what i did? i break the code..'The Secret Code'..and it reveals 5 gorgeous guys with great songs and dance moves..yay!! i love them! tohoshinki des! *excited excited*

2 more days..tak sabar nak cuti but at the same time trying to develop interest in new orthopaedic posting..huuuu

oh yea, i forgot to write down about our batch gathering last saturday. it was great and fun..haha.. especially during our 'coffee talk' session in OldTown..i felt like we were filming 'Happy Together' show during that time..haha..but i was sleepy the whole time. heh.. anyway, it was great to see all those people who came..really, everyone has grown up. most of them has got their degree and started working already. cool..i have 236 days to go..arkk..but still need to improve in soooo many things. hwaiting! (^o^)~

finding lost time..

2009-09-12T11:11:00.003+08:00

yesterday was officially my last day in ObGyn Department...and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....i want to scream..i dun know why but the past one week i'm a bit lost..i worried about so many things that in the end i didn't study as well as i should.. and yeah, it shows in my exam yesterday, my examiner said i did the worst among others. haih~ it seems i've completed my Obs notes but actually i havent read it thoroughly, just flipping through pages, as if i knew everything already. then when i got PPROM for my exam, hah, there you go..i can't even put things into pieces and screwed up..listening to fetal heart with Pinnard some more..ooohhh..doushite..doushiteee..~~i was so blur the whole week that i even forgot to call my parents before going to xm, which i normally do, to get their blessings. after coming back home only i realized that. i passed, but i'm disappointed in myself for not knowing why i was like that and wasted my whole week for nothing. *dush dush!*

anyway, so far my performance is going down, compare to 4th year..why? i dun know. but i thought i did well, but in exam it just shows that i've been so perasan the whole time. haha..so, new posting starts next week --> Ortho! hope i will get out from my misery and do well. hwaiting! il yeolshimhihae!

just one..

2009-08-17T21:02:00.002+08:00

last 2 days was our finishing school program and i cant believe that i actually attend all the sessions. yes, i was one of the many people who complaints about it and was like ' no i'm not going!'. but at the end of the day, when so many people using 'oncall' as an excuse, i thought it was pretty lame and yeah, i decided to attend all the sessions even though i am actually on call on that day.

anyway, yes, at first i thought it was not relevant for any of us, because after we graduate, we'll be working in one of the hospital in malaysia which would definitely train us as a houseman. it's true, in terms of fresh graduates, compare to other courses, we don't need to do resume and going through the job hunt. but later on in the future, the program is actually useful if we are talking about post housemanship thing. now i know what i have to anticipate and prepare for things in the future, it actually helps to broaden my views about working life.

so, now i'm doing my senior ObGyn posting..2nd week already. hope i'll improve! aja!

and i'm loving DBSK each and every day. haha :P :P

new love

2009-08-01T16:21:00.002+08:00

haa..i'm writing again? huhu..too many free time at home.eh...

anyway, this unexpected holiday really makes me lazeeeeyy..i've not been doing anything except study........!study about DBSK aka Tohoshinki aka TVXQ! hahahaha..will this help in my Pro 3 May next yr? definitely NOT! so terok..haih..can anyone help me? help me to stop doing nothing and start doing sumthing.

3 days..3 days at home and not studying anything. huwaaa..feel bad, but whenever i start to open my book, my brain suddenly feels like not having enough oxygen getting there and i feel sleepy. but when i start watching DBSK in YouTube, i feel so refreshing, my heart is beating fast, my eyes are wide open and i'm focusing on them (especially YooChun!*faints*:P). i should feel like this when i'm reading medical books. but why? doushite?mou doushite (jaejoong's style.hehe)....why is it so hard for me to focus????

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. [please listen to DBSK-One..the song is great! :) ]

fighting the extra weight!

2009-07-30T22:04:00.003+08:00

it's been awhile..malas nak menaip..lots of things happened since i last updated this thing

6th july: sem baru start. start posting senior paediatric. first week --> failed short case.2x. (both developmental assessment), need to perform1 more to compensate.huhu. new 1st year juniors. buddy baru. welcome!

28th july: upm tutup. ade case h1n1. xsure kat k17 ade ke, but everyone was forced to leave the college. huhu. mixed feelings. yang sure, syukur sbb dah habis xm..xm?????

in btwn 6th-28th july..cam biase je..posting paeds. harry potter dah kuar, xsmpat tgk lagi.. transformers lagi la xtgk lagi..dah habis kot. plan nk tgk hari abis xm tu, tp tibe2 sume kne blk plak, lmbt lagi la nmpknye. haha.

xm..? hopefully ok. long case-relapse nephrotic syndrome. short case- abdomen and respi. now i know where my weak point is.(esp in respi) to correlate all the findings and try to summarize everything and come up with a diagnosis! 2x dpt pleural effusion, findings btul, diagnosis salah. huhu. work hard!

currently: total addiction to 'doushitte kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou'..DBSK! thanks to this one blog, tak ingtlak yg mane, tp die ade ltk lagu tu kt blog die. trus jatuh cinta, tp time tu xde prasaan ingin tau psl penyanyi die lg. dah tgh cuti ni ade time nk explore DBSK. fall in love with them after watching videos of their live performance. so great! and attracted to micky. keh2. dah lame takde crush kt org ni, busy sgt. (poyo)

so far, i've cut down the extra weights and my BMI is normal but still not in a safe range. kne cut down lagi..xsampai target lg pn. duration smpai october, tp in 3 weeks manage to lose half of my target already. now need to maintain and lose more. if it wasn't due to my last visit to my gynaecologist..and also motivated by 'the biggest loser'! so great. so amazing. living life the healthy way!ajaaaa!!!!

you say aku..~

2009-06-10T12:49:00.002+08:00

"baby baby my baby..you drive me crazy..lalalala"

currently listening to that song, best pulak. takde la follow sangat crite Upik Abu & Laura tu, kadang2 tengok cam kelakar, kadang2 menyampah pun ada. huhu..stakat ni lepas blk rumah, jadual TV pn berubah. ntahla, i'm not really into TV programs. klau rasa nak follow, follow. klau dah bosan, malas nak tgk.

baru 3 hari cuti, dah bosan..but actually there's so much to do. ingat lima perkara sebelum lima perkara..jangan buang masa, chaiyok2!

things to do:
1- kemas buku2 lame...
2- kemas barang2 kat kampung baru (sob2)
3- pulangkan kunci kt office
4- beli hadiah utk birthday ma (14th June)
5- hadiah utk Father's day (bulan ni kan? but bile eh?)
6- update notes2..uhuk2
7- work out..huhuh..!
8- ehm..pe lagi eh..?

my last cuti before starting my 5th year. final year. soon.

nak mulakan sem baru dengan hati yang tenang. benda yang only a few days past, of course will take time to be forgotten. the wasted 5 weeks. ohhh..my heart still hurts thinking about it. huhu. moving on but takes time......

here at home~

2009-06-08T19:35:00.003+08:00

i was reading just a few pages of 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' and suddeny I was thinking that if women are really from Venus, then there must different2 part of Venus. because women are totally different from each other! I would like to say something regarding my previous post. since I was writing it when I am fully in emo moment (but I don't regret it and not going to delete it). It's just that i realize that I was a little bit unfair. coz I tried to compare other people to me. I tried to make sense that if I could do this, why can't other people? but since people are totally different from each other, of course i can't do what they can, and they can't do i can. but at least we could try isn't it? that's why i was keeping my hopes so high that in the end, i got too frustrated with every thing. ahh..i don't want to remember it anymore. it's just sucks! but i moved on..huuu~

this month only so many people are getting married. congratulations! and of course, to munie yang baru je bertunang a few days ago, congrats! i'm so happy for everybody. they found someone they want to spend their life with. i love weddings. but i haven't got the chance to attend the one that i've been invited. huhu.

i was also clearing up my closet this morning sbb dah berbukit bukau. anyway, i just realized that i had one Dorothy Perkin's t-shirt that i bought in London 8 years ago..and it was actually a maternity t-shirt! hahah..all this while i didn't noticed at all. after 8 years.....

a few weeks more before starting new semester. this is my Day 1 of holiday..yay!

irreversible damage...?

2009-06-02T23:51:00.003+08:00

My elective posting almost ends but there’s no good thing to be remembered at all. Why? Because it sucks! It sucks so much that I don’t think things will ever be the same. Why can’t people be more thoughtful? I’m sorry that I felt this way but it’s because I care too much..i care too much but some people just can’t appreciate it and take things their own way, without ever thinking of the consequences… which may affect other people? Have that ever occur to you that I care so much that it affects me? That I’d tried to help so that things could go back naturally but you just can’t appreciate my effort? I would’ve known, if people want to make things better they would try to do so. But I can’t see u’re giving any effort to make things better. Now I know that you just don’t drop the case, but you just make it worse. I would’ve accept it if you really want to make it just the way it was supposed to be, but no you don’t. you have so manyyyy chances but you threw it all away. If you have a disease and you don’t seek early treatment, you’ll end up with the complications. So this is the complication I guess. I just can’t stand you anymore. I’m not taking sides, but it opens up my mind when you don’t even keep your word. How frustrating. Everyday I was praying that things will be like normal, but even in this final week, nothing happen! It takes two to tango. So if one side is still being ignorance, things won’t work. Can’t you even consider that I am affected? Do you think I like ending up during weekend, which was supposed to be fun, but this??? I was thinking so hard what should I do that could actually help? I don’t want to interfere cause I know, no one asked for my help. But I want to because I can’t stand this. How could someone be such cold-hearted? My days which are supposed to be fun are wasted. Wasted! I know I mention earlier just let it go, but I’m so frustrated with this I can’t hide my feelings anymore. It’s so disturbing. I’m trying to be fair, but things just has reached its limit. I’ve never took any sides even from the beginning until now. This is just what my heart feels. i've been patience for too long and too disappointed with this now. it would be more than enough if this final week could at least be normal. i couldn't ask for more. one week in this final week. but it's too much for u i guess. i ’m not a perfect person, I do have my own limit. i can't imagine how u can actually enjoying this and would rather keeping it too long than making things right again. thanks for not being interested at all. at this moment i'm writing this, i just can't pretend to be okay with all this. keeping high hopes for the past few weeks is too frustrating to do anything at all.

i cant say that i blame anyone, maybe it was originally my fault for being so naive that at this kind of situation, where everyone is away from home, friends should stick with each other. it was really my fault for wanting to keep my hopes high and believe that things can go back naturally. and it is my fault that i care too much, trying to be fair and giving everyone spaces. i'm not angry, but it's frustrating and hopeless.

oh anger..!

2009-05-29T22:57:00.002+08:00

angry, stress, tension, sakit hati..argghhh.. feels like want to scream..feels like crying..

anyway, tu biase la bile dalam hati ade perasaan yang tak sedap camtu. i really hate feeling angry. when anger comes, all other bad thoughts comes. u start to think bad about others, feels hate, having the urge to hurt others which, in the end will bring bad consequences to yourself and to people around you. so, the only way to overcome all this is patience. sabar tu separuh dari iman..

cakap mmg senang, tp bile marah datang, syaitan pun mule la amik kesempatan nak menggoda. sibuk sungguh. orang kate amik wuduk dan berzikir bagos utk tenangkan hati. hati yang dekat dengan Allah, senang nak kawal perasaan.

bile dah start marah, dalam hati pun mula la nak buruk2 kan orang len. mula nak salah kan orang len, jahat nye hati ni.

i'm not a perfect person, so bile hati ade perasaan marah and sometimes almost explode, i just can't hide my anger anymore. mungkin ade yang terasa hati, but sometimes i'm not that strong.

regrets. bile dah buat something yang menyakitkan org len. ask for apology. but if having regrets when things didn't turn out good or the way u hope, just let it go. why go over things that had happened? we can't turn things back, but we can make the future better. cewah, bunyi positif je, tapi diri sendiri pun tgh blaja lagi utk bersangka baik dan buang perasaan buruk yg memakan hati. hehe

anyway..i'm not really the kind who gets mad easily, even if i do, i usually would try to be rational, whether i should get angry or not? but sometimes, when too many things happen at one time, blocking all my neurons, i just can't rationalize things and maybe boleh explode. so, that's normal i guess. but i really feel bad afterwards.

i hope bad things will go away. keeping it too long will harm yourself, or maybe u don't realize that there are other people affected. just let it go. move forwards. be happy. we only have this opportunity once, please don't spoil it..i'm begging...pleeeasssseeeeeeeeee~~

*listening to Faizal Tahir - Bencinta~

stay the same....

2009-05-19T16:31:00.005+08:00

I was talking to a friend; he told me that he couldn’t understand his friends anymore. They used to be close but now he thinks that his friend has changed. He assumes possibly his friend is unhappy because they are all away from home. Nothing is the same as being with your family in your home. I understand that. But, he feels weird that his friend is giving him cold shoulders and giving blunted expression when they meet, but his friend is laughing happily when with other people. He feels awkward that sometimes when they meet, his friend doesn’t greet him like before. He asked me, what does that mean? Why change? Things were good initially, but what happened?

I don’t have any idea what is going between them. So I told him don't worry because I’ve been in the same situation. I told him, just be himself and maybe his friend is not comfortable talking to him because he’s having his own issue. . Even if we have our problem or issues, try not to get other people affected. Just be patience, and keep yourself happy. Yang penting, jangan bersangka buruk dekat orang lain. You don’t have to change or do the same thing like what he did to you. Just treat him like before, don’t change ~

*Listening to NIDJI- Pulang...!!!

halfway to go~

2009-05-15T23:16:00.003+08:00

three weeks more then i'm going back home for good. at least for a month, before stepping into the 5th year. one more year. so cuak. anyway, 3 weeks in KB, so far so good. at least we manage to hide our location, keh2. but when people live a little bit or maybe too far away and too long from family, things sometimes can't be good. hmm~

anyway, surgery posting is d best! hehe. mayb becoz there's no 'kiasu'2 people around and only us there, so we got great opportunities to learn. and i learnt a lot. thanks to d nice doctors, surgeons and surgeons-to-be dat are willing to teach us :P but there are still lots of things to revise, terlupa plak nk bwk notes, at least bleh trus update kan. huhu

oh, i definitely not going to forget about Hartmann's procedure. InsyaAllah :)

still have lots of places to visit. nak pegi shopping lagi.

my vacation that i've planned long ago nampaknye tak menjadi la. not a good time to travel or going to airport with this swine flu thing still around. stuck for another year here. haih~

i guess i'm not supposed to make any plans this year. so i'm not gonna plan to diet or lose weight, coz i know it won't happen. haha. whatever will be, will be~

one-hour hospital admission

2009-04-17T20:53:00.003+08:00

today, something is totally wrong with me. i don't know what is it but it's just not right. i woke up today feeling healthy and good, driving to kg baru from my home, attend my bedside teaching, even do a short case with my lecturer today. then boommm..ceh, mcm ape je. heheh. anyway, i was suddenly feeling like i'm going to pass out, my hands are extremely cold and cyanosed, and i feel my body is burning up. thanks to my beloved lecturer, he noticed me and able to get me a bed :)...in antenatal ward..sweet..the nurses thought i'm pregnant. (huhu). i almost believe that there is an air cond in the ward, it was so cold but yeah, i'm definitely hallucinating. thanks to my friends who helped taking my VS. :D

anyway, i hope i'll be in a good state of health before my exam this wednesday. please, i want to do well in this final posting in our 4th year. before stepping into the 5th year. just a few days more. chaiyok!

unplanned

2009-04-06T07:30:00.004+08:00

last week, i planned so many things:

a) I planned to go through our attachment in gynae ward with peace in my mind..huhu
b) I planned to go to see my doctor and hear good news
c) I planned to drive my car (of course)
d) I planned to attend Khidmat Masyarakat program on Saturday
e) I planned to go to ward on Sunday to find my last CWU
f) I planned to study for exam this Tuesday (tomorrow)

but NONE of it happen last week

Unexpected things happened. So unpredictable

One thing that makes all the bad things feel good is..
to have your family around
to have EVERYONE in your family gathers
for this unforgettable moment

Al fatihah buat Abg Aaseem who passed away on 4th April 2009. Semoga roh beliau dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman.

Kita hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukannya..~

--> I'm smart enough not to act stupidly and hurt the one that i respect most

lost and found..~

2009-03-29T22:14:00.002+08:00

When things just get too much for me to handle, there will be someone who'll give me motivational words. it seems like Allah send that person to me right when I need it. and I usually get all these words of wisdom from patients. they are the one who contributes most to my learning. I learned from them about their illness and how their view about life.

Today, i approached a patient in hoping to get a case for write up. In the middle of conversation, suddenly she was talking about how we should be passionate about our work. and it hits me when she mentioned about sincerity and honesty in gaining knowledge. No matter how stressful our life is, if we are passionate about it, there will be satisfaction at the end of it. Right now I don't feel the satisfaction yet, maybe because I'm not passionate enough. i realized that I've not been really sincere and i don't even know what I'm pursuing in my life. Maybe I need to take some time to think about it. And learn how to be passionate about what I'm involved with. Still searching for the 'sparks' in my life and still trying to figure out the better way to learn.

Yep, but now I have to prepare for tomorrow's presentation, I hope things will be better this week..one more week..huhu~~~

argh~

2009-03-27T20:56:00.003+08:00

The reason we want to be a doctor is to help people, whether they’re sick or healthy… that’s what a doctor do. Doctors don’t just treat sick people but they help healthy people to stay healthy. A doctor’s job is to help to treat the illness, prevent people from getting worse or at least make someone’s life better even if there’s nothing can be done. If being a doctor is such a noble job to you, why would anyone who wants to be a doctor would ever wish for people to get sick? I don’t know what is wrong with these people but I think they’re the one who’s sick. I’m tired… Such a nuisance!

I feel like screaming so loud so that all the stresses will go away but my eyes is doing the job causing my cheek to be wet…and my nose is producing this weird watery stuff. Yikes!~

break away!

2009-03-15T18:54:00.001+08:00

after 4 weeks of pretending being a nerd, finally i take a break and went out yesterday! yeah! but today, i'm worried thinking about tomorrow. a new week..............!

yesterday I went out with my sister and my roomate. We visited the education fair at the MVEC, then only we found out that it was supposed to be for SPM school leavers. haha. tapi redah je la, and amik all the free gifts (yeah). maybe we do look like only sevenTeen..sbb ade jugak orang datang tanye 'adik berminat nak amik course ape?'. hahaha.. so hilarious!~ :P

anyway, I bought a new pair of sandals.. I hope this one lasts longer since the price is damn 'good'. haha.. I guess I need to try to lose weight coz sometimes I think my legs and shoes can't handle my weight, that's why everytime I need to stand longer my legs will definitely feel like nak tercabut. and my shoes usually don't last long. ~

i think one day off is good enough. it's time to continue pretending to be a nerd for the rest of the posting :D

I'm expecting a tough and hard times in the next 3 weeks. there's so much to learn! aja! :)

another day...~

2009-03-13T08:04:00.001+08:00

I have about half an hour before I'm going to leave my room, but it is raining heavily now on this beuatiful Friday morning..makes me want to go to sleep again..anyway, I'm supposed to be reading a bit but so malas now la..

Yesterday I was doing my so-called on call (hehe) and I was talking to this nice HO..all the others HO are also nice..after talking to her, I feel like I have this new thing..mcm mane ek, it's like opening my mind a bit. hehe. now i realized that I was so rigid with things. Have to finish study by 2010, start working straight away, finished my training in 2 years, become MO, work in community, go back to hospital, then continue working until maybe I have the chance to continue with postgraduate, or maybe just be a GP..then work work work. hah! see..I don't even have plans for my life. A woman's life is not complete until she delivers baby and starts breastfeeding. hehe..so maybe after finish my 5th year I should get married first. sounds good.

but I have problems with that also. haih..~ asking people to find a partner and get married is easy, but to do it is not easy. or am I just making it difficult for myself? I don't know. I'm kinda like living this way right now but as the time goes by, still have to think for my future life..huhu.

I guess I'm talking all this is because I'm seeing women, expecting moms, babies and their husbands a lot nowadays. haha. and for the facts that natural fertility reduces after 25 years and seeing some couple who has difficulties in conceiving, seeing new moms delivering babies, seeing cute babies around, seeing husbands giving support to their wife..just another chapter in life..a bit too much maybe. baru sebulan.haha..poyyyyoooo jehhh~

Anyway, I have another one month to go. I hope things will be okay. A little bit of embarassment from being scolded and making mistakes should be fine because this is new and still trying to learn things. If three previous group before this can survive all this, I bet I can too! I'm trying to be optimistic even though I do feel like a slight hypothyroid..huuuhuuu (my hypothyroid laugh) :P

16 weeks gravid uterus....

2009-02-23T19:07:00.002+08:00

We just started ObGyn posting last week, and it was full of suspense..bukan ape, ade palpitations, sweaty palms, shortness of breath, heat intolerance..i thought i might be having hyperthyroidism. but it was not possible because i don't have loss of weight even though I eat A LOT! huhu. then, I found out that the heat intolerance was due to the hot weather in KL and my palpitations, sweaty pals and SOB was just anxious feelings sebab kelas dr R dah nak start. haha

counting days before our elective posting, bestnye, dapat pegi KB. klau dapat pegi oversea mesti best jgk tapi malas nak apply. haha. lgpun malas nak cari tempat, tiket flight etc. buat local pun ok, lepas tu baru pegi bercuti la.hehe =) it's just a plan, hopefully i pass my ObGyn and also Community!aminn.. budak group lain dah wish 'welcome to 5th year' after our group finished Paeds and Psych the other day, but..anything is possible. tapi orang kate, bersangka baik sesama manusia, bersangka baik dekat Allah s.w.t jgk. InsyaAllah, sume akan ok. Kalau tak ok pun, mula2 je, ade hikmah di sebaliknye.

I got my first wedding invitation the other day tp sayangnye tak dapat pegi. Tempat jauh, masa pun xsesuai coz tgh ade klas. Macam tak percaya je skg ni dah musim people my age getting married. haha. Ade je yang dah kahwin lagi muda tp bile rmai2 sekaligus nak kawin ni..isk..haha.takdela, hopefully sume bahagia la. lagipun belum ade mmber2 rapat yang kawin, so kire ok lagi la tu. yeah. 'Don't get attracted to external factors only'. ^-^~

*currently listening to The Script- I'm Yours :)

Moved

2009-02-14T19:07:00.004+08:00

I have 1 day before starting new posting: ObGyn (or also known as, 'scary posting', 'stressful posting', 'mind-physical-emotionally challenging posting' etc) haha..that's what i heard from my friends from the group that had finished the posting. Anyway, I've decided to continue writing in this page, and stop writing in Friendster. Saje je, kat sini boleh link2 dengan page orang lain. I don't know if FS can, malas nak explore.

FYI, I have an account a year ago (if you check my archives) but then I forgot my password and completely forgot that I have an account. It's just today only I remember and decided to use blogspot. I was reading and following this blog regarding Sejarah Nagara Kedah, Empayar Islam Benua Siam Kedah~ it's very interesting, just started reading today. I am interested in history, it's one of my favorite subject at school. But after reading a few articles from the page, I think it's a waste if what we learn from school is just another twisted stories made up by those who have things to hide. Hurm.

I'm still 2 years behind from the recent posts. Got lots more to catch up. ObGyn lagi to come. 1 more day....chaiyok2!:)

LOVE~

2009-02-14T12:39:00.002+08:00

I'm writing today sempena 14th February, aka Love Day..ye ke? I don't know, but it was supposed to be a day with red roses, cupid and everything red. Hm. I definitely don't and won't take part in such day..

Last week I was too bored I answered some quizzes in FB, haha. One of it is 'What type of girlfriend are you?' and my result is I am the 'Dream Girl'.haha. I wish that's true..anyway, what i'm highlighting today is the one with title ' Why are you still single?'. They say I was "Not trying hard enough". Huhu.So how? what should I do? How hard should I try? I don't even know the answer.

Well, I do have a crush on one person right now. It's been a long time ago, but I don't know whether I can say it is real because we have not meet each other in person. I'm not going to ask him, because it's against my principles even though I do hope to meet him. Contradicting statement isn't it? I don't know, it's something like 'I want but I don't want' thing. But, i'm satisfied with our situation right now, as long as he still wants to talk to me, I feel thankful enough. The last thing I ever want in my life is for him to avoid me and if it happens after I tried taking a step closer, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. So, I choose not to try hard enough coz I'm scared of the possible negative consequences. Does that make me a loser? For not trying? I don't know, but you live with what you believe. I believe thing will be just fine for me. I can't even tell whether my feelings are real, but it gives me comfort and good feelings just to see him.Haha. And I believe when it's time, there will be someone who will find me. Maybe he's already there but not aware of my existence. You'll never know. :P.

Anyway, the reason I'm still single is because I choose to be single. For now. But at the same time I'm just like any other girl, who dreams of marriage, family and love. It's just I feel like it was hard to concentrate on my studies and at the same time trying to figure out who the right person is. It takes a lot of time and energy, making me feel exhausted~emotionally.

What happened in my Year 3 really gives me a valuable lesson. The Professional II, Remedial Class and My Almost Canceled Trip. Gosh. That's when I decided to close the 'Love' chapter in my book (temporarily) and trying hard to be a good student and gaining my confidence to get through my med school. Medical school is important for me, for many reasons which I can't tell now. There's something deep inside that I know why it is important for me. It's not the money, fame or the title. It's more than that.

Oh, dah masuk Zohor dah. So, till here for now. I wish happiness for those who are in love. I want to send LOVE to my family..and friends :)

~currently listening to: Mirage by Pesawat

Beginning of an End

2008-02-24T13:56:00.000+08:00

ergh, less than 24 hour left before new semester starts..holiday ends today!

what should I expect for this new semester? I don't know, but I hope things will be good (as always). Anyway, i made a new semester resolution, heh. Well, who else gonna help finding myself if not me? I only have my family, and of course, my friends! But after spending a week watching '1 liter of tears' (again, for 2nd time!), I wonder if I will have my own Asou Haruto, well, if I am to be Aya-chan. Hehe. Wishful thinking huh? Urgh, I can't wish for such things..I don't deserve anything like that at all!

So, this semester we are going for rotation on minor postings: Ophthalmology, E&T, Geriatric and also Dermatology. It's going to be short, but I hope I'm able to gather all the knowledge during this short period. InsyaAllah!

More to Life

2008-02-23T16:31:00.000+08:00

The heat of election is really..em, how do I say it? (My English is not so good actually). Well, what I'm trying to say is, terasa bahang pilihanraya tu..haha..anyway, I'm not going to vote this year cause I haven't registered as a voter yet. Every now and then, the news and newspaper is all about this coming election. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but somehow I'm frustrated with whatever is going with regards to this coming election. I don't know, I don't have knowledge about politics at all but I think everything is stolid.

It's frustrating to see how people would use dirty ways in order for them to get what they want. It seems they don't have tawakkul, which is leaving everything to Allah's hands. If they tried their best and really makes big effort for it, they should be satisfied and leave the rest to Allah. Not being unfair, using dirty tricks, bribe, cheating and everything else which is obviously forbidden in our religion. I think every religion forbids all this, I don't think there's any religion which allows the followers to do bad things. (I'm not a theologian, anyway). I'm not against anyone, but will there ever be when both sides are allowed to speak on the same media and let all the citizens hear and decide. And when the one who really deserves it well, they would have it. Those who are more experienced and well educated may be able to differentiate between the truth and lies, but what about the less educated one? Well, that's the reality of life. Unless those who are less educated would want to gain more knowledge, they'd be able to make the right decision.

It's true what I've seen in the Japanese drama 'Dragonzakura'. Those who are stupid will forever be cheated, they would forever live in the dark. They don't know the rules because they lack the knowledge of it. The intelligent ones who knows everything would always be able to step up ahead of them, unless the stupid ones would want to change themselves! I'm sorry cause I use the word 'stupid' but that's what they use in the series, hehe.

I'm not a perfect person who does all the good things and never commit a sin. I do make mistakes, but you have to learn from it, and start doing the right thing. I'm not all knowledgeable about everything, but I'm willing to gain more knowledge as long as I'm still able to do it. Gambatte!

birthday celebration

2008-02-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to Abah!

My mum, my dad and I went to Eden Subang Parade to celebrate my dad's birthday. It was just a simple celebration since there were only 3 of us -abang, kakak and kaklang who's living far from home couldn't make it (especially kaklang who's 6 hours behind Malaysia's time) and as for adik, she's busy with classes (even on weekends, huh).

Anyway, while we were having our meals, my mum suddenly said it seems the Western teaches us to eat using left hand (you see, people normally holds the knife with the right hand to cut and the fork on the left hand). I add silently to myself, I would normally cut the meat into pieces with knife on the right hand then put the knife down and use the fork with the right hand (huhu). But of course, I've seen almost everyone uses their left hand to hold the fork (so I guess that's the correct way) .But my dad disagrees, he says that Americans do hold their fork with the right hand. Hearing that, I exchange the fork and knife and started using the left hand to cut the meat, and it was actually easy! I thought since I'm right handed, it would be awkward for me, but it's not! I wonder why I've never thought of doing that, even though I've seen my sister (she's left handed) did it but I've never actually try using my left hand. So much things yet to discover, I guess. You never know if you don't try!

Well, the food was great and my stomach is so full right now..Burp!

--The Menu:
me- Grilled Boneless Chicken with Black Pepper sauce +fries and salad
ma- Grilled Norwegian Salmon
abah- Lamb Chop

at an affordable price [of course!] =)

The girl who can't differentiate important things in life

2008-02-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

Hello. Um, my first post. Well, I normally would spill out everything when there are so many things going through my mind. Er, not really everything, maybe just some of it, depends on how good I am at conveying my messages. You see, I don't really talk much, most of the time I find it hard to find someone to listen and really responds well (hm, the way i needed, i mean) and most importantly, someone to trust and confide things easily.

So here I am telling a story about a girl who can't differentiate important things in life and almost put her life under extreme pressure. Well, she always does that. Giving herself pressures when there's nothing to worry about. And thinking about some things way too much about it, until she finally gets sick of herself. Now she's trying to find herself again. Well, I wish her good luck, and I pray that she'll find her way. A much better way for her to be better, again. I know she used to be a good person before. I just know that.